Everything is falling apart, job, life, relationships...all of it. Betrayed, hurt, angry, fed up...too many things going on. Change is needed but the only way to start that will hurt me even more and others. Put in this position is the worst thing that has happened to me.

Russia

Privyet. I seem to be getting a lot of page views from Russia, well, spasiba!

Hard

Hard to believe
When you lie
To me
Hard to love
When you
Ignore me
Hard to stay
When you show
No affection
Hard to breathe
When my world
Collapses around me

Hurting, confused, anxious, wistful, missing, ambivalent, jealous, upset, spiteful, angry, tired, stressed, divided................

Should be writing tonight but sit here instead...doing nothing. Thoughts and emotions have me wrapped up in knots, need unraveled.

Screwed up today with someone I care about....was trying to be careful and not obvious about how I feel about her and was late with something I needed to say. The anguish inside me from my situation right now is unreal..................

To Her on Her Birthday

Into my thoughts you streak,
Dark brown strands, contrails
Floating softly behind you
The scent of your skin
Wafting to my nose, lovely
Aching for my senses
To experience all of you
Liquid dark eyes, mesmerizing
Pulling me to you
Closer still into your depths

The longing for you
Increasing exponentially
As I come to know you
To be a part of your world
To bask in your warmth
And caring and soul

A Moth

Happiness eludes me
A fluttering moth
Just out of reach
Escaping my grasp
As I try desperately
To catch it
And be complete

For Me

I read your words
Imagining they are for me
The longing and desire
They contain
Meant for my eyes
Alone

Pinball

What is this I'm feeling
For her, the one
I've never seen
But always, thoughts
Of her, crashing
Into my world
Bouncing around
Inside me, a pinball

Nightmare

Horrible dreams
Crashing into my sleep
She has another
Hidden from me
Though I've never met her
Heard her voice
To lose her
To be deceived
Devastating