Erosion

I am gone

Chipped away by

Those wielding

Tiny hammers

Eroded from 

So many tears

Wind circling

Carrying small

Pieces away

Dissipation

There used to be magyck in the world

It came on me out of nowhere and 

Struck me with the most wonderful force

Light and sound unlike anything I've felt

Allowing me to be unabashedly myself 

To finally FEEL after years of numbness

But it has since dissipated and gone

Tendrils of sage scented smoke drifting

Further and further away until nothing

Rolling Hills

Water vapor forms into low grey clouds

Hung like upside down rolling hills

Forboding in color and unmoveable

In concert with the dropping temperature 

Cold, the kind of near winter frigid damp

That seems to creep into your bones slyly 

Like some kind of cat burglar taking warmth 

You wish for the return of the sun and heat

But it stays away, hidden by dark and cold

Silver Lining

The bright side...

Silver linings...

Light will always fade

Devolve into the inky darkness

Metals tarnish with age

Drawing patina from weathers harshness

The ability to be continually optimistic

Is exhausting and my grip begins to loosen

How long until...

Treading

These arms are just exhausted, rubbery

Lactic acid building up to the point 

No strength left to push against the waves

Alternating between treading water and

Trying my best to swim upstream

Current fighting my every movement

Straws

Grasping at straws

Such a fun sounding

Aphorism for something

That in all reality

Is frustrating to the point

Of throwing up your hands

Grasping at straws

The story of everything now

Wind

You don't ask the wind to blow

That's not how it works for us

You wait and you hope that she

In her inimitable power and thought

Graces you with such presence

As to see the tops of the sycamore

Moving with the fluidity they enjoy

And that your ears hear the whispers 

The susurrus sounds that calm

She comes to you in her own time

Deep Beneath

Desirous of being far out to sea, stark and brutal

Seemingly featureless but for the peaks and troughs

Of foam flecked, wind whipped, and storm driven waves

Fighting the ocean's water as she tries her best to sink you

Each moment distilled down into the very essence of life

Pure survival and instinct are all that continue to exist

Alone but for your thoughts and the creatures swimming 

Swimming deep beneath you without care for they are in

Their element and unaware of the loneliness you nurture

Juxtaposition

You know those days each summer

The unlikely juxtaposition of being

Blazing hot and miserable in the sun

Refreshingly cool and breezy in the shade

Working each moment to find comfort 

It's possible to go through life that way

Heartbroken, morose, devastated 

Upbeat, happy, and ecstatic all at once

Climbing

Empty as this cup of coffee

Alone and lonely and trying

Trying to make sense of how

I ended up here and more so

How I get out of this place 

Desperately climbing up 

These smooth walls and 

Slipping down for lack

Of any hand or foot hold

Bruise

It starts not even visible to the naked eye

But the pain, sharp and noticeable, presents

Then gradually without much fanfare

Purple shows up, light, almost floral

Still hurting, acutely to the touch

As the purple darkens, it fits the feeling

Painful but colorful reminder of the damage

Fading out it begins to yellow, sickly golden

Tinged with green you begin to know the pain

Will soon subside physically but hold on

Remaining in some form as a reminder

 

Masks

So many masks to keep track of

To stave off the loneliness and smile 

To pretend that all is well and good

To hide the real me from all around 

Mask after mask embellished with 

Markings fine and true as if etched

By the finest craftsmen and each 

Worn as the situation demands

Rented

I rent myself out

There's no fee charged

But rented all the same

Bits and pieces of my time

My brain, my heart, my soul

Used up by strangers and the known

All the same, all for brief moments

They don't take for the sake of me

Only for themselves, for what I bring

So unlike those moments I once had

Moments of giving freely 

Moments of being me 

Unmoored

Displaced and foundering as an unmoored boat

Sea foam flecked swells and gale force winds

Longing for a home I no longer have, untethered 

The home I found so unexpectedly and learned

Finally what home was, what it meant to be

Fully and unabashedly myself with another 

It's never been a place, that's only drywall and wood

Once again I'm a seeker and soon, a wanderer. 

Silence

Snow is silent

An all encompassing  removal

Of  every wavelength of sound

A hushing that extends out

To every molecule as it falls

Silencing even the thoughts 

That speak so loudly within

Sunny days, idyllic as they seem

Are loud, cacophonous, unabated

Get me back to winter days

Snowflakes falling as a curtain

Striking the flat grey water

And bringing me silence

Slow

So agonizingly slow

Like thick syrup pouring

It is slipping from my grasp

I once held everything

Held her in my arms

And saw how wondrous

My life could be and grow

Fighting now to realize

How I can find that again

While I watch from afar

And root for her happiness

I Know

I know these words will go unseen

I write now for an audience of one

I miss you, it's that simple really 

I may talk to you most every day

I may still be your true friend 

I miss you, and us, and all we were

I have known how unique you are

I have felt the heart you possess 

I am irreparably altered by it all

I am sure I will never find that again 

I know I must find a way to carry on

The Moon's Haiku

Golden sickle hangs

Nightly reminder of you

Goddess moon now gone

Songs

Does the music know how much I miss her?

Is that why it seeks me out in every location? 

Beach Bunny in Kroger, Tyler in a restaurant 

"the Night We Met" at the gas station pump even

So many songs with so much meaning and emotion

Playing softly in elevators, stores, and the radio

Unavoidable and I don't mind to hear them

To feel them and to remember how much she means to me

Grocery Shopping

Three songs piped over

All it took to hear playing 

Thoughts of you rushing 

An Haiku For Kate

With green leaves of herbs

She makes life vividly good

Healing all your soul

Thoughts, A Haiku

Fingers grasping tight

So easily swept away

The scent of your neck

Void

Stare out at nothing, an abyss

Void so large that it seems nearly

Oceanic in scope, fathomless

Shouting out to this empty space

Voice cracking from weariness

Energy dissipating into the ether

Sound waves emanating forth

But going nowhere until faded

Time clicking by slowly as

Clocks count the interminable

Hours of each days loneliness