The West End

Once a week, every week(Monday to be precise) I drive into my old neighborhood and spend a bit of time. I'm there for a very minor thing but it stirs all kinds of emotions. See, things just aren't like they used to be. I don't mean that in the sense of "I'm older and things change." I mean that in the sense of "My City has been devastated by an opioid epidemic." Driving through and having dinner, I no longer see the places of big wheel riding and tackle football and spotlight tag. Gone are the evoked memories of tossing a ball and war games with friends and first kisses. Things have gotten so bad that all those old feelings have been replaced. Once I cross a certain line my hand brushes ever so easily against the weapon on my hip. I start to pay a bit more attention, becoming alert to my surroundings in a way I am not often like. The choices start to be weighed against safety particularly if my kid is with me. Gas stations become enemy territory. I imagine it's a much less intense and less important version of what a soldier going into a combat zone feels. It doesn't help that I notice the dealers and users shuffling about like overgrown rodents trying to be low profile. I've always had a knack at seeing what most would prefer to turn a blind eye to. It makes me all the more wary and angry at what is happening. I don't know the answers and solutions. I wish I did. I'd love nothing more than to be able to safely walk or drive through my old 'hood and not feel the need to be armed(I still would be of course.) I'm not abandoning her, my town, my neighborhood but I don't know where to start. It often feels as if many have abandoned her. How do we make it better? How do we restore what was once a great place to live? I know not but I do know that we keep fighting.

Silence

I feel like I have lost my voice.
Not my physical voice. It is fine.
No, I've lost the voice that expresses
all those things seemingly impossible,
all the feelings that get weighed down
like sinking concrete.

I've lost the voice that whispers internally
and screams at the top of its lungs to the world.
I have lost my voice.
Maybe I will get it back, maybe not.
It could be gone forever.
Lost in the melange of detritus floating about the universe.
Someone might even find it and use it for their own.
I wish them luck.
It wasn't a very good voice.