Moments of idyll, so few and far between
A screened in porch, the first strains of Fall
Beginning to play gently until being ramped up
Coolness touching our skin just enough to feel
Like a cold draught of water on a July day
Swish and scratch of giant leaves tumbling
Down and down until with soft landing
They hit the ground only feet from us
But mostly, it's you in my arms, fragrant and soft
Your warmth radiating through me, your influence
Slowing me down and bringing about relaxation
Each day a changing of the guard occurs
No bearskin hat precariously perched
No scarlet runic bright like a flower
No gold buttons grouped in fours
Just a platoon of me switching out
With each new need and necessary post
Trooping about at their post and protecting
The feelings that I have left to impart
But only with you are the gates open
The guards given leave to rest as I
Confer upon my life the gift of being me
Ground fog all encompassing as I gaze
Across the slightly overgrown lawn
Its opacity, obscuring the usual gem like
Drops of dew that glisten on the grass
Coffee, it's cinnamon fragrance, warm
In my hands, longing to hold you again.
Verdant mountains standing all round
Ancient silent sentries gazing over
A once prosperous town now shuttered
Empty storefronts, silent mausoleums
To the bustling scenes of commerce
That once played out on the rambunctious
City streets, avenues, and boulevards
A young girl, huddled in the shade
The former department store providing
Some coolness and a working power outlet
Dope sick but hope redolent in her eyes
As nearby, music plays, calling out
With the songs of the hills for recovery
From drugs, from economics, from sorrow
A people poised to find the solutions and
Needing no one to help but grateful all the same
A constant state of wanting more leads me along
Mind wandering to memories, fresh as new flowers
Wet with the morning dew and blooming on the stem
Smile blooming bright as well with each remembrance
Desirous of the propinquity that leads to her touch
To her scent, her laughter, and her effervescent smile
Thankful for each moment no matter how long or brief
When I am able to orbit near her and be a part of each
Day that she allows and brings new moments to cherish
THAT red.........
No rose has ever known it
Would turn itself green with envy
Could only wish to be as beautiful
Should hope to one day become
Something as stunning as you
No rose even has a chance
Words finally spoken, almost a whisper
While my hand trails lightly on soft skin
Danced around and code phrases used
But fully known and more importantly
Fully felt, down to the last atom of my cells
Now heard as I gaze and smile into soft eyes
Heart soaring with a new lightness
Words...Finally spoken.
Waking up, the eastern view raining yellow sunshine
Through the large glass windows, bright and effusive
But that is not the light that brings true brilliance
To the start of my day and a smile to my sleepy face
Better than coffee and its hints of chocolate and fruit
More appeasing than any breakfast food to fill me up
Pure musicality in sound, the lilt of your voice in my ears
That is the perfect way to start my morning, or end my day
I write for me. My need to express what is going on in my life. This post though, is for you. You know who you are even if you never see this. There will be so many things I say to you, I hope. So much of our conversation that will be important but in the end only one thing matters. I'm in your life until such time as you feel I shouldn't be.
Period.
Exclamation point!
It's that smile, unfettered by worry
The one without conscious thought
Only the happiness you're feeling
Shining through brighter than every
Single sunny day in the Carolinas
It's that smile that isn't the one for me
But makes my heart soar with happiness
All the same, makes me want to throw
My arms around you and hold you tight
As my face breaks into it's own beam
It's that smile that has been needed
The one coming from relaxation and
The melting away, if only for a few days,
Of all the stress of the previous weeks
And reminds you that it's okay to live for you.
Will I ever not be ecstatic
To hear your voice on the phone
Will I ever not be giddy
To see you walking towards me
Will I ever not be excited
To see your lovely face on my screen
Will I ever not be exhilarated
To smell your scent on my collar
Will I ever not be electrified
To feel your soft arms wrap around me
Will I ever not be enraptured
To hold your hand warmly in mine
Will I ever not be intoxicated
To feel your sweet lips pressed to mine
Simply, no.
Pantheons of gods exist
Inhabiting these lofty places
Looking down upon those
That created them with only
The most well-meaning of intention
They judge, and they trick, and
They seek to play amongst us
When it suits their purposes
My mythology is different
It's the myth of her smile
The fantasy of her touch
The unreality of her scent
The fable of her laugh
All brought to corporeal form
Materialized into a new reality
Bring back those perfect, slow mornings
A stillness to the environment rivaling
An ancient church, devoid of human activity
Nothing on the agenda but your legs in my lap
Soft skin on my fingertips, lightly touching
Seeing your radiant smile play across your face
As you catch me looking at you, breath caught
Up in my chest while my heart dances and sings
Those languorous, languid, and lazy mornings that
Make the coffee taste better and fill me with bliss
To linger, to tarry and simply bask in the slow morning
There's always a smile on my face now
Sometimes you can see it but sometimes
It's hidden away and only for myself
Sometimes it's displayed wide and big
Full of laughter and mirth and happiness
Sometimes tucked away where only I know
It's there, maybe stealthily displayed for you
At times a memory I want to share with others
And other times it's a memory that's just for us
Your hand on my arm gently tracing, Your lips on mine
The way you hold your body close to me barely touching
The way you smile, the way your eyes sparkle in the moment
The smile is always there but sometimes it's just for us
Infinite possibilities swirl around me
The icy crystals of windblown snow
On a flat and frigid North Dakota road
A veritable kaleidoscope of white
Yet, containing every hue known
Stepping out and letting the flakes land
On the tip of my tongue, open to
Whatever possibility is contains
Deep breaths, in and out
Relax, you've got this
A deep caring tempered
With objective realism
Is brought to all you do
And it shows mightily
The interactions I've witnessed
Have been rife with empathy
Replete with wanting the best
For them and to see them
Grow and succeed and be happy
So keep doing what you do best
Mold those minds and show them
There are always those that care
There is a new truth burrowing itself into my cells
The truth of soft lips, and cool fingers, and warm arms
The truth of a gnarled finger trailed along her pale jawline
The truth of kissing her neck and becoming lost to the world
The truth of tracing words on a wrist gently with my pinky
The truth of piercing eyes that see me for all that I am
The truth of the timbre of her voice exploding in my brain
There is only one lie left to dispose of and eliminate
The lie of my life ever being the same, unchanged, pedestrian
The truth is an irrevocable change for the better has occurred
Stop, slow down
Take a brief moment
To simply notice
All the wonderful
Sights and moments
That are blooming around you
One might even see
A towering elm festooned with leaves
Vines curling, winding, and twisting
A pair of green-grey eyes enchanting
Smile that brightens a sunny day
A soft hand that touches with warmth
Or even a bunch of wild grapes
I can still feel your lips
Struck by a million of
The gentlest lightning bolts
Emanating from a soft
Persistent Summer storm
Fresh rain smell permeating
The very air I breathe
Electrifying
There's a big problem I have
Pale skin is always, always
Compared to alabaster
Or porcelain, you know
One of those stones or
Man-made ceramics that
For all their beauty
Are simply cold, hard
And achingly lifeless
And that simply won't do
When the arms that held me
Are warm, and so full of life
That the simple act of touch
Restores me and breathes
New life into my smile
Brickwork looming above me
Towering into the midnight blue
Carolina sky, few clouds scudding
Obscuring those diamond points
Of distant stars and planets
I notice it all, take it all in
But it pales in comparison
Because you're there, warm arm
Wrapped around my waist as we walk
Mine around your shoulder
Giving me leave to breathe in
Every last miniscule particle
Of how you smell and feel
In this moment only wanting one thing
Our lips, to meet.
inadequate.
not as a matter of self-worth
but as a matter of reality
i am, simply put, inadequate
comparisons be made
even if they shouldn't
i'll trudge on
as a matter of course
but it will remain
I have this shirt
It is really old
Holes in places
Faded graphics
Frayed neck
We all have one
Couldn't tell you
Where it was
Purchased, or when
But here's the deal
It's comfortable
Fits me, soft
Just comfortable
Every day now
Every conversation
Is this shirt.
Every day I look, seeking out as if
Some dusty, half forgotten explorer
Searching the most far flung corners
Of every continent and landmass
Hoping to discover the reasons
A reason to smile, a reason to grin
For so long, they were there but
Difficult to locate, exceedingly hard
To stumble across, let alone find
With regularity and en masse
But that has changed, gotten easier
I find my smile now, just sitting
Plopped down on a bench, saying hi.
I don't carry for myself
It's not to feel bigger
Or more of a man
Or because I'm paranoid
Or afraid or to be badass
It's for you
It's to protect those I love
But also for someone I've never met
For that person that I don't know
That might one day need help
I carry simply because their exists
In this wide world of ours
Monsters,
Hawk soaring, catching the thermals
Warm up drafts extending its glide
Aloft, it's keen eye observes all
Feathered brethren relying on
Minute information seen
Always watching and protecting.
Binoculars are a bit of magic. A few pieces of clear, simple glass set in tubes, yet, they allow us to make the distant feel infinitely closer. What happens when you turn them inward? Do you like what you see? Does the real you, rushing into near focus, make you happy? Or, is that sight unrecognizable, foreign, parasitic? Maybe it is benign and you see just the same you that see every day and bores you to tears. So many deny their authentic lives. So many hide it, even from themselves. Masks are for more than Halloween, you know.
Like a crackhead butterfly
My dog flies down the snow strewn trail
Camouflaged against the white backdrop
Only his black spots stand out
Blanketed over Winter's dormancy
The powder crunches yet muffles
My footfalls
The air is as redolent with promise as it is
Weighted by the threat of icy flakes to fall
Heavy with precipitation and change
Of not just the weather and the frigid temps
But the opportunity to grasp some semblance
Of what is missing from my soul, my hands
Not more than what I deserve but only
What is necessary to sustain this heart
As the fathoms roll into many miles
The crushing depths of an oceans trench
Exists an alien world unlike anything we know
Teeming with life unbeknownst to most
Of us dwelling a terrestrial existence
That being said...
Things here have become alien enough
When it should feel like home
There's a certain raw desperation that comes
From having only the selfish and cold hearted
Surrounding you, encompassing your life
Like exposed skin as the arctic wind blows
A desperation that begs for warmth, a fire
To thaw your bones and reassure your heart
That life is more than the frigid atmosphere
To which you have become accustomed
So full of possibilities, this new year
A ripened berry sitting on the bush
Near to bursting and waiting
To be plucked and eaten
Spilling forth all that could be
Will you grab it?
