Christmas

Merry Christmas
Very simple words
Heart still held fast
Still beating the note
So a Merry Christmas
To all

A Wish For You

Happy birthday
My hope is the day
Is all you wish it to be
Filled with those you
Wish to be in it
Memories made
But most of all
Happy

And

Still,
And always
Despite all
That's transpired
Still,
And always

Comfort

As the silence and solitude grows
So does the comfort of being alone
Those once missing pieces found
Now gone again, abruptly away
Yet stronger now than before
I revel in the inimitable feeling
Of having no one, of being alone

Un

Unfathomable change
But only to be supported
Not yet understood
Only one action possible
To do the required thing
Unsaid words, uncaught looks
Emotions high, hard
Here if needed though I know
I won't be, damage done
Unheeded, unmet
Advice and expectations

How simple a thing is our belief
To see the good when none exists
How powerful is our will
To carry on, to create, to live
In spite of all the opposition

Horizon

Walking to nowhere
Ponderous heavy steps
Of aimless wandering
Becoming the merest speck
On the far horizons line
Or disappearing between
Individual trees of this
Leafless autumn forest

Hidden

Nights like these
Near full moon
Illuminating all
Seeing brightly
That which is
Meant to be hidden

Culmination

A beating hearts anxiety
Culminating in
Knowledge unwanted

Fleeting

Fleeting
Minutes and days of the past
Seconds and hours of the future
Fleeting
As if a raging summer storm
Passingly quick, beautifully damaging
Fleeting
Moments passed too quickly
Memories dangerously evaporating
Fleeting
At times difficult to pause
To do ones best to just enjoy
Fleeting

Unshown

For some time my mask
Was removed and gone
Exposing my true face
All able to see and know
But now, back in place
Visage hidden, locked behind
This mask, of some type
We all wear, some easily
Taken off and on, while others
Firmly affixed like mine
Until I'm once again able
To remove it and show
This world and those in it
My real and true face
Real smile still present
Just....unshown.

Vaporous

There's a vaporous nature to things
Seemingly real and lasting yet
With a mere breath of wind
From an insects beating wings
Gone, blown away in a moment

Loose Wheel

Finding a reason
A moment true
Still the thoughts
Rattling around
Loose wheel
Incessant yet
Pushed back
Hovering silently

Alight

The hills aflame above me
Trees multi hued with falls changes
Set further alight with low autumnal sun
Rising slowly to begin the day

My Secret

I want to share a secret with you
These conspiratorial tones
Telling you with certainty, I can fly
Not with wings on the air like a bird
Not in an aluminum tube with jet engines
But on metal blades over frozen water
Flying just as sure, the snick snick
Of the steel on ice it's own music
The air rushing past cold and dry
Like an arctic wind blowing from the north
Freedom from the days stress, the weeks
Travails, dropping away with each stride
Pushing harder and longer until you see
My secret, that I can fly 

To Be

Sometimes you see things you wish you hadn't
You wish had stayed hidden or your eyes closed
Yet, moving through this world unaware, unseeing
Is no life at all, is but existing in a shell unable
To see the beauty, to see the amazing in the everyday
Better to be observant but not just the observer
To participate, to be alive, to be in the moment

Altered

I may never be able
To fully let go, holding on
Hoping that some day
Our worlds will collide again
Happy in the knowledge
That your life is good
Making each day of mine
All it can possibly be
Friends in our own way
Unique in what we have
Affected in such a way
I was altered forever

The Coming

Rain falling softly on red/gold leaves
It's steady tattoo, a drumbeat calling
Time upon the neighbors steel roof
Drowsy mornings resonance begging
For a crackling fire, heat warming
It's intermittent light an orange glow
Just enough to illuminate and free
You from cold restraints of coming winter

In The End

I will always
Love you
Even if I can't
Love you
My life has gone
Back to what it was
My happiness
Is a different one
But in the end
Always

I'm still your biggest cheerleader. Even if it's not needed.

Once

I would give nearly anything
To not be confused to not be hurt
Even though things may never be
How they once were, glorious
I was becoming used to how they were
Happy to still have you in some way
Hope may always hold a place
But I will try to do things as you want

Pain

This pain, can't last forever
Or can it,  will it lessen
Then drift away or could
It stay, gnawing at me
Like a rodent making a hole
I still laugh,  I still smile
There is so much good around
But always there in the
Background noise is the pain.

Adapting

The pain is real, intense
No pill exists for this
Only the usual, alcohol
And time to dull and numb
It will go away, leaving me
With what's left, something new
Adapting as I always do
Making the best of each day
Creating the reality I desire

104.1

The torturous unknown insistently intruding
Loneliness my constant companion
And the bastard always has to pick the radio station

Steadfast

An ending is supposed to be a new beginning
But what if it is simply and explicitly an end
The finite number of possibilities and
Permutations reaching the zero sum
Even so and truly one must remain
Steadfast, carry on, and make the most of
What could yet be to come, in the end
Anything is still possible, anything still held
In the waking moments that we exist

Striations

Sun sets
Multi colored striations
Electric
Fixed display in the even sky
Tomorrow will rise
Bringing fire to a new day
Lost and abandoned
But with hope
For light's rays

How Simple

How simple an idea it is
To be loved for who you are
How simple indeed for us
To have a notion of affection
How simple a thing is our belief
To see the good when none exists
How powerful is our will
To carry on, to create, to live
In spite of all the opposition

Explore

We explore
Because it's in our hearts
Because it's in our nature
Because to stop
Would mean a slow dying
So we explore
And choose to live

Clash

Sleepless nights compounding
Silence a noisy invader of my thoughts
Marching in to destroy the progress
At once both defenseless and yet
Fighting back with everything I have
Each battle of the war no real winner
Strategy, tactics, positioning no matter
Clashes ever continuing, reserves
Nearly decimated and then an end

Moving

It's that cast aside feeling that comes
Of an old vcr, broken, anachronistic
Put out in hopes the junk man takes
Of being ignored, like an ant moving
Carrying it's food, the whole world
Around it oblivious to its existence
It's carrying your head high no matter
Of a proud tree standing, shading for all
And keeping your life moving through
Whatever is done or comes or happens

Rain

It's rained here for days, interminable
Hard, torrential, monsoonlike downpours

Softening the already spongy soil until

Muddy, pooling chunks slide and break

Finding purchase nearly impossible

A gnarled tree root, twisting its way out

Grasping onto it,  pulling yourself up

A break in the falling liquid needed

Cessation coming as a break above begins

Clouds parting in hope, revealing 

Tendrils of the suns brightness exiting

Fingers poking through the steely grey

Rain over soon and a return to beauty 

Church Bells

Somewhere in the diminishing distance
A church bell tolls mournfully as clouds
The color of raw steel scud above
The deep ringing foretells the rain to come
Striding on through grass wet and green
The breeze cooling and refreshing
A perfectly unperfect moment

Waves

How do I let myself be so affected
Riding each rising crest to the top
Then dropping to the trough below
Storm born waves, tall and rough
Euphoria mixed with despondency

Me

There's a vision of me, fuzzy, hazy
Like a sweltering summer afternoon
Of what could be, dreamlike but awake
A better me, in every aspect of life
One that has never been before
It's a matter only of finding the strength
Of slowly taking on each challenge
Or battering down each door
Becoming one day what I know
Is possible in me

Curtains

Its days like yesterday that I feel
Seemingly alone, loneliness creeping
Like the weak hearted rays of slowly
Waking dawn coming through the
Half drawn curtains of a bedroom
Making it more important to
Throw back the curtains and let
The light of you, and all my other friends
Flood in, reminding me of all the good
Keeping everything at bay and making
All good again, bright, shining

Solid

Things I once thought real
May be
Merely apparitions
Things I once thought false
Seem to
Solidify before my eyes

My All

Seemingly, a little help is too much
For one to ask for, a little appreciation
Is a monumental request, herculean task
No matter, things need done, completed
Life must work, go on, continue unabated
To be clichéd, I'll put my back into it
Do what I must for those that matter
That deserve my best, my all

Smoke

Like the curling, clinging smoke
From a low valley cabin, holding
Low, covering and inescapable
Wispy tendrils slowly slither forth
From the sooty brick chimney
Nowhere it can go, stuck yet
Moving within its tiny sphere
Of the creek floors hollow

Still

You can still easily put a smile on my face
Sometimes wistful, sometimes discrete
Sometimes full of mirth and inner laughter
But always real, always genuine
Simply by being you, being honest
Vivacious, and ever ready to smile yourself
Brightening all our days with your friendship

The Hills

The mist always comes
After the cooling rain
Small whispy clouds hanging
As if tethered to the trees
Late summer verdancy
Soon giving way to
Autumns brilliant hues
Grandiose beauty residing
Upon each mountainside

At Peace

Friendship
Not always easily defined
Yet a necessary thing
In all our lives, our hearts
Someone to be there for
And them in return
To help and guide and support
Each other no matter
The circumstances
Friendship

War

What will you do when your war is over?
Fighting each battle day to day
Those inside and those without
Both the minuscule and the mighty
We all carry on with our own
Marching into the fray, armed
With only the weapons available
Yet one day and end will come
Peace will reign and your war
Over and done for good
What will you do?

Truly

Hey you, yes you over there
You amaze me, in every way
Strength and intelligence
Tempered with compassion
Perseverance and grace
Combined with razor wit
Inner beauty to match
Everything else about you
Caring and standing up
For those who can't and
For those you love, truly
An incredible person

Dawning

Cave like blackness outside, yet
A new day is dawning, new chance
For adventure or to find the good
All the things unwanted, still there
Can't let them take hold, control
Positivity must reign over all
Setting off into the rising sun
Allowing my spirit to rise with it
Something not quite possible
Once long ago but now, the norm

Unheeded

Loneliness creeping in
Rifling through my thoughts
A jewel thief clandestinely
Searching for that priceless gem
Leaving no stone unturned
Warning not heeded at all
No real precautions taken
Occupying my wandering mind
the only possible defense
Tiring myself out, work and miles
The only method of attack
Finding a smile and kindness
At those unexpected moments
My means of escape

Being

Each day my best
In the face of odds
And no easy decision
Right or wrong only
Time can tell me
But striving harder
Staying in every
Moment that comes
Being not just surviving

Storm

Fatigue weighing down upon me
Like a wet wool coat, oversized
Lying heavy on my shoulders
Buoyant in spirit I remain
Catching pleasure in the sound
Of down pouring rain, the wind
Grey storm passing mightily
Above, around, and inside me
It's cacophonous din, roaring
With a power and beauty all its own

Undercurrents

How can my heart be
Both heavy and light
Weight of a thousand mountains
Yet, airy as if the wings
Of a single beautiful butterfly
How can so many singular emotions
Coexist within me, blending
Into this waking life
Smiling and happy but also
Undercurrents, never letting them
Get the best of me
I will prevail

Insight

Insight and advice
Always wanted
Needed, required
Self awareness
Not easy for me
But for you
Something incredible

Days Ahead

Each day a new challenge
Combining with the old
Accepting like one does
As if a gift from a friend
Possibly unwanted but taken
Seeing what it is and deciding
To meet head on or else
Give in to likely defeat
In reality, not a choice
Already decided for me
By what I've learned
How I've changed
Another gift taken once

Another Step

Each step, each pounding foot fall
Focusing the mind on what's at hand
Clarity coming with each drop of sweat
Becoming sharper, hungrier, better
Void yawning open lessens and soon
Forgotten as just another challenge

Fortunate

Profoundly, completely changed
Fortunate are we lucky few
To have in our lives, our worlds
Worth any price to maintain
Not take for granted, nurture
Truly rare gift bestowed
Allowed to run free, fly high

Light

Existing
But not merely so
Shadow
Playing on the wall
Spirit
Infusing everything
Longing
For the light to play
Feeling
Waves tumbling over
Grace
Suffusing all around
Radiance
Echoes inside me

Rally

Ecstatic
Different it may be
Difficult at first
It's not an end
Provoking
Thought at what
Is a new beginning
A chance to enjoy
Rallying
Around you, your life
Your happiness
And what is needed
Loyalty
To you, to them
Necessity of being
Without loss of the good
Positive
Thoughts and actions
Cornerstone of what
Is to come

A Pause

Unsure if this is a pause, brief
Or and ending of what has been
Please let it be only a pause
A chance to regroup, recharge
This friendship can't be allowed
To abruptly end with misspoke words
You're not only my inspiration for good
And my motivation but someone
I can count on for the truth, to be there
Please let it be only a pause

Are we still friends?

Valued

Empty feeling in my stomach, deep
Of all people I should know
The power contained in words
Forgetful that those written in ink
Or typed to stand forever electronically
Don't carry the inflection of voice
Or body language necessary
To convey their full meaning
What was the word or phrase
I don't know, seemingly ordinary exchange
Damaging what's become a valued friendship

I'm just so confused.

I'm not totally sure how that escalated so quickly or what I really did. I'm sorry. I hope I get a chance to explain and understand. I only sent that because I was excited and didn't even expect it to be read til later. Please accept my apology. Please.

Desolate

Windswept cliff dropping away to vivid cerulean water
Sheerness of the face mesmerizing and terrifying
Nearly tornadic winds whip at your clothes
As you peer over the side, heart pounding wildly
Behind, darkest grey rock, almost nightlike
Stacked against some ancient foreign invader
Foreboding, lonely, and desolate

Fleeting

Fleeting
Everything around us
Possibly gone in a flash
Cherish
Moments of joy
Letting go the bad
Looking
Forward just enough
To keep moving ahead
Deserving
Of what comes to you
Of being loved and happy

Stillness

Disappearing into the vaporous appearance
Of damp early mornings ghost, blanketing
The lush verdancy of late summer woods
Stillness a balm, soothing,  reminding
There can be moments of peace anywhere
If only you pay attention to them

Myth

Within us all
A struggle
Different for each
But real
Only true action
Our best
Perfection a myth
Unattainable
Good and bad
Within us all

Specks of Time

Those moments that come and go
Good, bad, indifferent or otherwise
Are such fleeting specks of time
All gone before the realization
Of what they contain is made
Reflection on the memories possible
But not to look back and miss
The next one to come, no matter
What it may be, good, bad, indifferent

Evening Kitchen

Diffused light golden as it streams
Through the kitchen window
Adding a bejeweled glow to all
Late evening sun causing this
Timely moment and adding
It's voice to the aroma still clinging
It's last smells to the air inside

Strive

The trick I think as humans
Is to hold out hope for all
Yet not lose sight of each day
To strive and work towards
A better tomorrow and more
Importantly a better now
Without losing hope for all

Mist and Fog

Mist creeping, floating
Over the mountain tops
Reflected in the morning
Ground fog rising, hovering
From fields and hollows
Cool evenings herald

Map and Compass

Always have I been able to find my way
Whether in the hushed silence of the woods
Or the cacophonous hustle and bustle of the city
Even on lifes twisty path, I've known my direction
But now tthat compass is off, its declination incorrect
Lost, overwhelmed at times, and confusion rampant
But yet I tarry on, searching for the answers
The embarkation point of what is next, what is to be
Holding on tightly to positivity, breathing deep
I know i'm not alone, I know good things keep me
So the map and compass will be tossed to the wind
Eventually the way will found, taken, and on

Emerging

Once again emerging from her chrysalis
Ever evolving into what she needs to be
She is a butterfly in the truest sense
Beautiful and lively as she becomes
Watching all her transformations is
Pure joy and a sight to behold always

Intimacy

It's been around a year now
Though I don't know the exact moment
Of Our beginning
Seems like no time at all
I miss what we had
The knowing of what lies deep
Within you
The intimacy shared and feelings felt
And while we may never return to that
I'm joyous in what we've become
Thankful I've been kept in your life
Friends when we need that shoulder
Friends to share in the great moments
Of each others lives

Lost

I'm not worthy anymore I guess
Others are better suited or just better
I had hoped to make you happy
Or at least as happy as I could
But it's not to be anymore
Wish I knew what I did wrong
Or what about me went from good
To so bad that I'm cast aside
I'll likely never know, always wonder
I just wish what I felt was reciprocated
That I had some return
To what once was but possibly
Never will be again

Acute

Acutely aware at this moment
Like a needle pricking my skin
Of what I'm missing in my life
But also what I have in it
Like two sides of the same coin
Needing to coexist even though
I only wish they could be apart
The missing pieces completed
So I must work even harder
To ensure what's not missing
Is cherished to the utmost

Gratitude

This is not really new ground covered
Nor new words more eloquently spoken
But I find myself again needing to express
Gratitude of immense proportions towards you
For all the changes you've been a catalyst for
And also a major, massive part of creating
For all my ups and downs and tribulations
For sticking by me through all our transitions
Becoming the type of friend I've rarely had
But mostly, for just being yourself and true
Smiling, inspiring, loving, compassionate
Yet when need be strong and unforgiving
So thank you for being in my life.

Exhaustion

Exhaustion gripping tight
Fingers holding, squeezing
The physical felt deep inside
My bones like heavy lead
Their gravity pulling me down
The mental making cloudy
My brain unable to process
As if a computer missing a chip
An easing is needed, coming
Making the best of what I can
What I've learned from you
All will pass, become good again

Please

I make mistakes
More than I'd like
And I hate this new
As I have the few before
Don't let it get in the way
Of what we have now
This friendship that sustains
Me, inspires me, and I hope
Does the same for you
Please forgive, please continue
Being a true hearted friend
And a confidant, an inspiration

Marietta

Sun and scudding clouds reflected
On the rivers seemingly calm surface
An old paddle boat making minute ripples
The cool breeze off the water refreshes
As I walk, mind clear for once in days
Only the moment existing, real, tangible
The future can wait, not its time yet
The past, memories only, though some great
For now its about...this.

Support

My heart feels for you tonight
Knowing all I can do is be there
In case you need me, in case you hurt
While this experience may not be close
It's saddening nonetheless, tragic
Always am I there for you to reach out
Always will support and understand
No matter the sadness or happiness
Of what you need to talk about

Leaf

Still, in those moments
Just before sleep takes me
Does your face rise into being
Memory of you surfacing
Like a torrent caught leaf

Bright and Shining

Bright smiles shining

The light of the world

Contained in them

Vivid, full of laughter

Luminous and warm

Showing your true nature

Somedays.....

By You

Inspired at every turn by you
By your perseverance and strength
By your smile and laugh
By your motivation and sincerity
By your spirit and heart
By memories of our moments
By your example and style
Each day I find something new
Inspired by you

The Thread

Sometimes that merest whisp of thread
Is enough to keep you hanging on
Whether it be a memory made that's cherished
A hope for something to come you hold close
Or this moment, right now as you read
Whatever it may be for you in your life
It is strong enough despite the overwhelming sense
Of inherent fragility and inimitable futility
It is enough to keep you hanging on to your life
To keep you looking closely at the good
The joy, the happiness, the beauty

Paramount

I find myself smiling, laughing
Remembering that day in May
The sun and wine and good food
Conversation of incomparable quality
Your smiling eyes and laughing lilt
But more importantly I find myself
Rooting for you, cheering you on
For all I feel of us and all I want
What I'm hoping for in the grandest way
Is a continuation of your bright smile
For your life and heart to carry on
Being all you want and being who you are
Happiness paramount, our inspiration

Reclamation

Reclaiming slowly over the past many months
That which I thought was lost, possibly forever
Confidence, health, ability to feel, to love
Regaining as well the creativity that once reigned
Little by little it has all come trickling back
Still much to do, to grow but heading now
In the right direction with a purpose, momentum
Thank you, the catalyst for all, thank you

Anew

At times lamenting
Of divergent paths
And unmet potential
But remembering
Each day begins
Anew, fresh, and clear
One of the many things
Learned in a few months
From you, from others
Your positive influence
Bringing more to me
Than I've ever had

Luminous

There's a radiance to your smile
My words could never truly do justice
Lighting up the day of everyone
Orbiting your universe, brighter even
Than any solar systems main star
Bringing the warmth and luminous shine
To my world and others, all thankful

Agent Provocateur

Even with eyes open fully
Watching, looking for signs
I find it difficult to determine
When I'm being sabotaged
On purpose, wrecked, undermined
An agent provocateur living
Within my own walls
But light is shining, revealing
Learning more each day

Further

Each day the work I put in to become better
The decisions made to improve my life
Whether it be health or attitude or circumstance
Example learned from my inspiration
All must be for me and me alone
The laughter, the scorn, the derision
Coming from others has become
Another layer of sweet motivation
In addition to that which comes from you
Always in the back of my mind sits
What you would think of what I've done
And it drives me further, faster, harder
Gratitude possibly never to be repaid

Creating and Evolving

Drawing strength from unlikely places
Positivity from sources far and wide
Creating and evolving as I can
Relishing your smile, your spirit
The grace they infuse into life
Not just mine but all you touch
Carrying on, I continue this journey
Quietly pondering what is to come
But joyous in the getting there

Unfettered

Holding back what is necessary
For us to carry on in whatever
Way is to be, friends, confidants
Recognizing your desire to have
Your life and all it contains
Joyous, happy, and real
Like a cog in a Swiss watch
I'll play my part, allowing
The works to be unaffected
Running smoothly and doing
Only what is needed
Seeing you smile in a way
Unfettered by the weight
Of things heavy on your mind
Brings a smile to my face
Abundant gratitude for all
You've brought into my life
Bringing out what was capable
And inspiring me to be
The person I am now

Simply

Simplicity in and of itself
The desire for someone
Important to you to be
Happy, fulfilled, and content
To watch as their wishes
Become a reality, true
Knowing their choice
Was to be your friend
Through all the tribulations
Befallen each, staying true
When the easiest thing
Would simply be to
Simply disappear

You're not reading these anymore so I'm not sure why I'm writing this. It's so hard to describe and deal with this mix of feelings. I miss you like crazy even though you're still around. Miss hearing about your day, your life, your venting. Miss you interacting with me even as you do others. Miss your smile. Hurt that what we once had seems almost tossed aside even though I know that's not the case and it can't be easy on you either. But at the same time, overwhelmingly thankful because I know the choice could've been to leave me out. I could not be a part of what is left. Our friendship has always meant the world to me regardless of our situation and that continues in its own way, scaled back but still there. My ultimate feelings have not changed and maybe never will. I'm okay with that. Maybe I'm stupid because I feel that way but that's just how it is. In the end, I want you to be happy and have the life you want. I will always be and do what you need from me for that to occur.

Joy and Pain

I know the hurt will go away
Fading into nothingness like
An aging rock star and obscurity
Leaving behind the happiness
For you, for what you are doing
Even now there is joy mixed
With that ache, joy that we
Remain friends, still drawing
What we are able from each

Unspoken

Even knowing that something is a possibility
Does not stop the pain of its sudden occurrence
Without warning or conversation, an ending
Of one thing and a beginning of another
A hole created where I once held hope
Yet still you choose to keep me in your life
A friend only, as it has been but shutting
The door that was open on what we once shared
Reconciling myself to this because my love
For you total and I'd rather be a part
Than to not have you at all, supporting you
Being inspired and motivated by you
And from a distance and unspoken
Loving you

A Plea

I need to know more. A few cryptic words are not enough to end what we have between us. I also hope that the poem was not misread.  It wasn't about a return to what had been before between us. I'm settling into a peace with our friendship. Please, please speak to more than those few words. In the end you know I will do what is right for you no matter how much it may hurt me but I need more. Please.

Once and Now Again

There is peace in the numbness
Solace in the liquid of your eyes
There is comfort in my strength
Love hidden in the depths of your smile
There is perseverance in my heart
Healing flowing from within your soul
There is now as there once was

All I Need to Know

It tells me all I need to know
When I slowly trail my fingertips
Up your soft, pale inner thigh
Like a tiger stalking its prey
And there is no reaction at all
Not a shudder of pleasure
Nor a sigh or moan or whimper
It tells me all I need to know

The Flood

Relief felt at knowing all will be well
Concern for you, family, and friends
Nearly palpable in its heavy totality
Distance compounding all emotions
Yet a cleansing wave washed over
At the news that all would be well
Feelings for you spoken here and
Nowhere else as my happiness for you
And your life maintains its presence

Your Eyes

That blue again I see
Those piercing orbs
Of beautiful bluest blue
Calling forth all you are
Speaking to me, saying
More than words can
Smile to compliment
And radiant skin to
Complete your outward
Beauty, only rivaled
By the beauty within

Moving

Pushing through each foot
Pounding through the yards
Heat sapping all strength
Sweat streaming down
Soaking and weighing down
Pack heavy but I keep moving
Thinking of your words
Your motivation, your spirit
I keep moving, motivated
Your bright smile urging on

The Deserving

Easily could I dwell on where
The sentiments don't come from
But I choose instead to concentrate
On those that care, that support
The words told me that matter
By the people that are important
That care, that understand
Time and effort less wasted
On those that are deserving

Father's Day Reflections

I want to think I'm doing the right things in raising my child. That the smart choices are being made. Some days I feel I'm not and other days I am. Today it was said, "its father's day daddy, you shouldn't have to do anything!" I had no response to that. Will my next words do harm. Thankfully there are a few that support and know I'm doing all I can. Other parents have it much harder than I do, for that I have the utmost respect. I've gotten some kind words in the last few days that help keep me trucking on.

Repayment

Dysphoric feeling, odd, disconnected
The strangeness of not being yourself
Mounting with all that's causing it
Even to thinking you may be alone
But remember always, you are not
Those that know you are with you
Those that love you willing to help
As you help us with words and actions
Our hearts reaching out as your heart
Would do in the reverse, kindness
And strength ready, given back to you
Tenfold, merely a repayment in kind

Apparition

An apparition I am becoming
Motion and sound present
Yet able to move unseen
My effects felt and noted
Without conscious thought
From those in my environment
So I float with them unaware
Enjoying the newfound ability
Relishing the hidden nature
Of my presence, a new gift

This Morning

This morning, that picture of you
Soul shining through bright blue eyes
Your words inspiring to so many
The compassion in them, incredible
The few that know you and see
Deep into the real you or else
Catch glimpses of what you hold
Take those messages and are
Lifted, inspired, and motivated
Seeing and knowing more as I do
Is even more amazing, your life
Not without challenges but you
Rise above and your attitude
Uplifting and beautiful

Unexpected

Think of how such a simple thing
As a first conversation can hold
The potential to be powerful
How it can alter or transform
For either positive or negative
Unlimited opportunity to effect
Held in the simple coming together
Of two people in words and phrases
Continuing on if they're fortunate
Into something greater than imagined
A friendship or often more but always
Into something unexpected, something good

First Thought

Woke up this morning and my first thought
Was your effervescent smile, beaming with joy
The real you coming out with each laugh
And the beautiful soul you possess and let us see
Words can never state how much you help
How much you inspire, each day that I've known you
Better than the next and not just for me
But for all you touch and motivate and love
No language is enough to say thank you

The Dark

Won't let the dark back in
Even though it knocks
Rapping, tapping for me
To open the door
Inside is your light
Brought into my life
Magnifying what already
Existed, brightening all
The dark can stay out

Sounds

Each subtle shaping of your lips
Forming the sounds that go on
To form the words, the sentences
The paragraphs, the conversations
Is like rain to a parched landscape
Sustaining me between each with
Such lovely music that is your voice
And to hear your laugh, paramount
To finding rare treasure, glorious
Sounds I cherish in memory and
When they can be heard, revel in

Incomparable

So infused with your spirit and infectious smile
It's become ingrained into the very fabric of
My being, coursing through my veins like a
Rain swollen stream, inevitable in the flow
Inspiration gathered from your example
Helping me through every moment and challenge
And then, there's your voice, the timbre of which
Reminds me, reaffirms, what my heart knows
What I hope one day you see for yourself
How simply incredible you are, strength and beauty
Combined, compassion and vivaciousness colliding
Into a remarkable and incomparable woman

Past, Present, Future

Sitting, waiting, mind goes where it often does
Thoughts of you, of us, the good memories
The possibilities of what can be, but mostly
Of the now, the amazing confluence of
Events and circumstances that brought us together
My life forever transformed by you, inspired
The fortune of having you be a part of today
Things may change and adapt but always
Will I be grateful for the past, present and future
Of knowing you

Still, holding close the full measure
Of what I feel, of what I know
Sustaining myself, bearing it all
No weight but only a lightness
Too much I've been affected
Too much I carry of what was
The future I can never know
Hold in my hands the power
To make it what can be

Honeysuckle

The heady fragranceof the honeysuckle hangs
Intoxicatingly in the foggy late morning air
Its yellow and orange blossoms islands of color
Against the verdant bank as it climbs up and up
The hillside soon to be covered and overtaken
Sun desperately attempting to burn through
The heavy moisture enclosing all around
Beauty everywhere, in all things, your smile
Taught me that, your soul indelibly imprinted

Innocuous and Mundane

Yesterday, by all outward appearances
Innocuous and mundane conversations
But the sun shining a little brighter
The sky painted a touch more blue
My smile beaming a bit wider and wider
Knowing I'm still a part, however small
Of your day, your week, your life complete
Seeing your smiles and frustrations come through
In the words you write, innocuous and mundane

Return

Hoping that soon, we can return
Not to what it had once been
Because I know that is not
The right thing for you but
Merely to what it became
A part of your day, your smile
Friends there for each other
Supporting, motivating, guiding
I may always hold a part of me
Hidden and hoping for us
But will never let that interfere
With what is needed of me
Never allow it to intrude
On being there for you, friend

Confused and a little worried but confident that everything will be okay. I'm guessing after that conversation a little space was indeed needed and that everything will be okay. I truly value the friendship that exists between us and have worked hard to separate other feelings so that it can continue. Ever respectful of what you are trying to do and here as a true friend.

Winding Down

As the day begins to wind inexorably down
Sun setting fire to the once bright blue sky
Thoughts begin to wander not aimlessly but
Towards you, towards your smile, lovely
Brightening up my day like few things do
Towards your spirit and positivity and soul
Inspiring all who know but transforming me
Towards your beauty, incomparable, stunning
Not only what can be seen but also what lies
Within you, what comes out with all you do

Moving ever closer, fading
Just another face in the crowd

A difficult day made easier
An easy day made joyous
Feelings I've never known
Colliding together into a
Strange melange of me
Of being, of seeing, of living

Blue

Blue
Was the color of the day
The color of the sky
Robins egg blue, pale
Clouds scudding by
The color of the river
Unstoppably flowing
To its distant destination
The color of your dress
Its simple lines perfect
Stunningly gracing you
And setting off the color
Of your smoldering eyes
Blue

Profound
Affected
Changed
Inspired
Onward
Creating
Believing
Loving
Smiling

Deep Fatigue

Deep fatigue felt into my bones
The kind that is good and wanted
Coming from pushing myself
Farther and faster than before
Clearing my head of those
Negative thoughts weighing
Me down and threatening
To overtake my head and heart
And focusing on the good things
In my life instead with every ounce
Of energy left to inside of me
Something I would not have done
Months ago but now with the influence
And inspiration of an amazing soul
I am able and capable and good

Resoundingly Clear

Captivated still by your voice
Resoundingly clear in my memory
As we talk endlessly of everything
But at the same time of nothing
Enchanting eyes still pulling me
Into their liquid blue depths
Never fully known or explored
Your laughter like my favorite song
Would put it on repeat to hear
Over and over again, lifting me
Changes necessary but not able
To extinguish the fire inside
But ever grateful to continue
As we can and need to be

The Forest

Needing to find quiet solitude

The perfect isolation of a forests

Verdant walls, its loud yet soft

Noises and cool running streams

Enveloping me completely, totally

Yet, it is also a place I want to 

Share, to show you and walk

With you once, reflecting and being

Inside my mind as we stroll slowly

No destination or plan at hand

Simply enjoying the company 

Of each other, friends who know

What our hearts contain

Capable Hands

Your hair is up, dark and wavy
As you sit cross legged on the floor
Fun necklace bright and vivid
As it graces your lovely neck
The smile affixed is one that
I may have never seen but
Would know in an instant
That of joy from playing and
Helping those that need it most
Those that must be protected
Taught and helped to become
The most amazing people
They can be and if they only
Could understand how lucky
To be in your capable hands

It can't be easy listening to me
What we've shared and what
We mean to each other yet
You do so, as a friend would
Continuing to offer your opinion
To tell me the truth and even
To help open my eyes at times
A strange sensation watching
Things in your life go as you want
My happiness for you magnified
But always that desire playing
In the back of my mind, lurking
To be closer to you and more
Always though I will be what
Is best for you and to continue
To grow our friendship

Amazing

When I saw your eyes this morning
A steely blue yet not cold
Sly smile on your face
Highlighting all your beauty
Inner as well, coming through
Reminding me of what an
Amazing soul you have
And how you don't even realize
But we all see and I
I will not stop reminding you
Of what makes you amazing

Daily

So much so quickly learned
From you, your influence
Daily, it is something new
About you or how you choose
To live each moment of life
Or something to help me
And others become better
To improve and grow into
What is possible in us all
Learning your many smiles
And looks and each laugh
More and more knowing
Why you inspire so many
And why you make me smile

La Muse

An artist is only as good
As their inspiration
The opportunity to try
And do justice to what
He sees and feels
As I feel the need
To create externally
And change internally
I'm thankful for you
My Muse, my inspiration

Becoming

Pushing the hunger back
To deep, deep within me
Like a lean wolf, searching
Focusing on whats at hand
To play my part as it
Is now written for me
To support and help
You in your life and
In your becoming
All that I know you can

My Smile

Through it all I've never lost this smile regained
Not the one I get when doing something I love
Not the one that comes when I'm with my daughter
Nor the one that crosses when the dog is being silly
Not the one that happens when I spy true beauty
Not the one flashing when something makes me laugh
Nor just as important the one you helped me find
That lights up my face for you and your beauty and spirit
That's the smile that I reserve for only you and its never left
Simply because you've never left, things may have changed
But we still remain a part of what's to come

Incandesence

Your incandescent spirit
Still brightens my day
Better even than our
Near to Earth star

Part of me does not want
To become used to this
This new way of things
I want to continue to feel
The yearning, the love
Maybe that is wrong
Maybe I should allow myself
To become numb but I won't
Our friendship means as much
To me as anything before
And I'll hold it safe and close
A rare gift to never lose

A New Day

A new day today
New choices made
Washing away the
Previous days events
Decision to let go
Of them and move on
Learned from one
And living it every day
Never before would have
Been possible but now
New attitude learned
From you, a better place
And all things can be

Intact

On the hard days it helps
To reflect on what has been
To replay the best memories
In my mind, the words said
The laughter shared, the smiles
But also the present that is
The friendship, new memories
To be made, help for each
So easily a different choice made
Yet the strength of the bond
We share, though changing
Adapting, is still intact

Anxiety

Anxious, frought filled morning
Scared of what was possible
The waiting nearly unbearable
But then all was well, okay
Your words of caring the only
Ones that were said, none other
Spoken to me or written
Not surprised, not hurt
Yours was the most important
But laying my fears bare
For her was a useless exercise
No matter, smiling through my day
Walk in the heat, dog happy
Child laughing, all worth each minute

Hidden

Footfalls heavy but quiet on worn stone
The soft rubber of my running shoes
Gripping where the rains had fallen
Scent of the newly blooming roses
Redolent in the humid spring air
Their perfume nearly overpowering
Searching amongst the rock and stone
And flowers and verdant growth
For a place of solitude, of quiet
Knowing it exists,  that it's near
But always just ever so slightly hidden

If You Stumble

If you stumble my hand is ready
If you fall my arms are there
If you hurt I'm there to comfort
If you cry the tissue is in hand
If you're scared I'll make you brave
If you're weak my strength is yours
If you're happy I'm smiling too
If you're complete I'm lacking nothing

Brave face, brave heart
To help you succeed
To triumph and be happy
To rejoice loudly with you
When all is well and good
I will struggle at times
But through good and bad
Will be what you need

Unlikely Finding

There are people and moments
That it doesn't matter what form
Your love for them takes but only
That it exists and was found at all

Pyrrhic Victories

Today it's four steps backward
After taking a small step forward
Seemingly never gaining any
Real ground but losing much
What few insignificant victories come
Are pyrrhic in nature, price too high
But I can't give up, your example
Front and center in my mind
Doing what must be done, persevering
A light heart I carry through each day
Finding smiles where I can, giving them
When it's possible, living each minute
To the fullest extent possible

Found myself the other night
Fixing something that was broken
Normal circumstances that would
Not in the least unusual, yet
This was something I didn't like
Didn't necessarily want repaired
Overwhelming metaphor

The One and The Many

Finding my way again after so long
Hoping its not too late to affect
This life for the good, for change
Some decisions may be difficult
Agonizingly painful at times
And some easy, like breathing
But I feel better than I have in years
Done on my own but inspired
Encouraged and helped by one
But also by others and stories shared
Trying hard each day forward
To pay back the one and help
The many

Content

Knowing now what can and can't be
Does not change my heart or my feelings
A smolder still lies deep within, a spark
Will remain tucked away waiting for a moment
That may never come and a chance
To reignite what once burned but until
Such time comes I shall be content
Having a true and gracious friend
One who knows me and my soul better
Than anyone before and may again
A friend whom I will be there for time again

Generosity

Realizing today and not for the first time
How generous you have been to me
With your love, your life, your heart
I pray I've not taken for granted and abused
This gift and repayed in kind when possible
Doing the right thing for you is now even
More imperative, to be what we can be
To each other and for each other

Thankful still our friendship remains
Intact and strong, basis of what we share
Hearts who found each other from across
Many miles and strange twists and turns
No way for either to know what the days
And even months may bring but I know
This is what we have and I'm thankful

Adventure

Watching your adventure unfold
These last few days has been
Incredible, a joy, and awesome
Playing my small part in it
Is something I'll never forget
Replaying in my mind those
Moments shared and enjoyed
Wanting to hear and see
Each detail since I've left
Share with you the moments
Yet to come on this great adventure

I truly understand all that you need to do and all that you need from me and I hope you see this. I'll also understand if you stop coming here to read though I think you'll find it will be okay. You lead and I will support and be your friend and confidant. I've said before what matters is that you remain a part of my life and nothing could be more true. I have no illusions that it will be easy for either one of us but together we can do anything. Thank you again for those few hours and memories I will cherish. We will meet again, of that I am confident. Until that time I will be there for you in whatever way possible. Will make you smile as often as I can. Will listen when you need a friend. Will be your sounding board for ideas. I remain yours.

Impacted

Altered
Impacted
Some things seen
Differently now
With fresh eyes
Glass of wine
Cool in hand
Moisture gathering
Flavors heightening
Memories of us
Breeze rustling
Your hair as you smile
A good day

Still smiling
A once in a lifetime experience
I'll work to repeat
Incredible soul
Known the more

Foundation

Finally real, solid, touched
Even more incredible
Than imagined, beautiful
But more importantly
Sincerity and caring
Pouring out with each word
Each slight touch, glance
Knowing what can be
And what can't, changes
Nothing, strengthens the bond
Support for each other and
Friendship built on a strong
Foundation with passion restrained

Unforgettable

All I've thought or felt
Confirmed in moments
Genuine and beautiful
Inside and out, caring
Graceful spirit generous
In what can be given
Thankful for the time
However brief, yet
Seemingly lasting
A lifetime, unforgettable

Journey

Soon embarking on a journey
Long and arduous but worth
Every minute and every mile
If only half the time I'll get
To spend even happens
My life will be enriched
Inspired, better, joyous

Promise

A new mindset is now needed
Necessary to continue to be
With you and have you in my life
Not always easy to separate
That side that can no longer be
But I will gladly, unquestioning
What's important is waking up
Knowing you still feel, still want
Me in your life and to be in mine
There is no doubt or worry
That I will always do what is right
For you, for your life. always
This is my promise to you

No pressure
Only be who you are
What you are
That person is enough
Not responsible for me
For my happiness or joy
But I cannot deny the fact
You bring those to my life
They exist without you
Heightened with you
Just continue to be
You

Against the Odds

There will always be doubts,
Fears, and imperfections but
Through it all we've found
Our way against the odds
Honesty and sharing have
Been the glue to hold together
We cannot know what
Tomorrow holds but I know
That I will always do my best
To help you through each day
And to make your life better
Never worse, and to enjoy
The moments we have

A Million Years, A Million Words

Cannot remember a time when

I was affected so positively 

By a single person, by someone

Just being themself and honest

Allowing me to be me and only me

Bringing out the best I have to offer

Yet not shying away from all of

My faults and many imperfections

Making every day we talk better

Tough days easier to bear, simply

By being, a part of my life complete

In a million years or a million words

I could not express the gratitude to you

Nor could explain the events bringing us

Together

Last Night

Lovely sleepy smile thats just for me
With drowsy hooded eyes above
No words even need spoken by either
Merely seeing, knowing, is enough
Anticipation of days to come
Making this moment even better
Reality slowly setting in of two.
Incredible memories to be made

Within

Spent too many years feeling devalued
Felling unwanted, letting someone else
Dictate my moods and self worth
But no longer is that true, over and done
You've helped me see what I could not
To understand there's a better way
To realize I am worth having and holding
To be myself regardless of fitting a mold
Creating again after a long absence
Becoming fitter, healthier, better
Inspiration from you yet the power
Coming from within and no longer
Dependent on anyone or anything
Our serendipitous coming together
The catalyst I needed to be me

Near Permanence

My smile rarely leaves me anymore
A near permanent fixture on this
Stubbled and worn face I own
The times it does I only need to
Do one very simple, easy thing
Picture you or remember a chat
Think of us and what we share
Instantly transforming this visage
Back into one with a wide smile

Pieces Found

Never knew that someone could feel
As you do about me, about us
Never knew that the missing pieces
Could be put into place, fit so well
Never that true beauty even existed
As lies within you, radiates from you
What we have will never be perfect
As our lives will never be either
But finding each other is more
Than I could ever have asked for

Bridges

Bridges always lead somewhere
Away from something
To something
Will this one lead me to...

Sky Above

Above, the sky is a perfect robins egg blue
Sparse white clouds go slowly scudding by
Like cotton balls blown by a mischievous child
On my back in the cool verdant grass gazing
As I idly play with your hair, fragrant and soft
Tunes from a radio play low, our favorite station
My well thumbed Yeats reader in my hand
But I'm not reading, preoccupied with this
This moment, watching your chest rise and fall
Steady breaths as you doze,  head on my chest
The breeze, the music, the sky, the grass
But in the end the moment is us, only us

Real

There are days it seems so real
As if I could reach out and touch
Fingertips grazing your cheek
The distance closed in milliseconds
Able to catch your scent imagined
Wafting in the light breeze
Teasing and lingering on my nose
Laughter playing to my ears
A realness uncommon

Nearly vibrating with the anticipation
Slight anxiousness mixed in
Overwhelming feelings rising
To a crescendo in mere days

Days End

First thing your lovely eyes see
As you walk through the door
A glass of red warming slightly
In my hand as I greet you
Not many words spoken but
Few are even necessary, I know
Direct you to that favorite chair
Hands begin to knead shoulders
Strength in them taking out
All the stress and bad of the day
Complex flavors and alcohol
Relaxing you as you sip
Soft lips gently kissing you
Exposed skin of your neck
This is how every day should end

Muddy Water

Watching the water flow steadily

Muddy brown and debris filled

Eddys swirling haphazardly

Seems ugly at first glance, dirty

But as in life beauty still resides

In even the worst of our days

Better each coming day at finding 

Those truly indomitable moments

Of good and light and happiness

That exist and help transform

It took inspiration to find

This amazing place in my life

A rare beauty of spirit and grace

It's the words you don't expect
That can affect you in ways
You would never have thought
Addicted
A simple and powerful thing
I want to be your addiction
As you are mine completely
Craving, yearning,  needing

That first time our eyes meet
Beyond compare or description
A moment to savor and behold
The smile on our faces, huge
Stupid grins that never leave
Memories to be made and kept
Longing even now to touch
Hold your hand, brush back
A stray auburn strand
No plans, only the moment

Minutiae

Amazed and awed even still
How I miss hearing about
Your day and how you are
The little details that most ignore
The things that got you down
The moments that lifted
All the minutiae of your hours
Distilled down into conversations
That leave me smiling

Times Such As These

In times such as these
When neither of our days
Go as planned and
We're unable to talk
I'm carried through
By memories and smiles
Songs that play and
Conversations remembered
I end the day letting go
Of the bad and focusing
On only the good
And thinking simply
Of you and your smile

A Welcome Agony

Anticipation is the sweetest torture
An agony welcomed with open arms
Knowing that in a brief span of time
Eyes will meet and hands will touch
Unencumbered by the futility of miles
Untethered from electrons and pixels
The same winds dancing over our skin
Voices unchanged by maddening interference
Living for the moment, cherishing the time
No fear or worry of the future and what may be
No thoughts of the past and what has been
Seeing, hearing, touching, enjoying, being
All that will be important

Essential

Begging you to see for yourself
The imperfect perfection I behold
With my eyes and my yearning heart
To realize that all I write bears a truth
Seeing with a clarity I have never known
Your humanity and strength, light and dark
Compassion and courage, and all you are
My only desire that your inner beauty
Flourish and grow, your heart understand
Why you have become essential to my day

Circles

Concentric circles dissipating quickly
As each new raindrop falls on the puddle
Watching, mesmerized by the steadiness
Mind wandering where it always travels
To you

Words

You talk about these words I attempt to write
How they make you feel, heart thumping
Yet truly you may not understand this
Your words have an infinite power over me
The simple terms of endearment you speak
The more serious discussions of how you feel
But also, sometimes, its a small sentence
Seemingly benign but filled to overflowing
With all the contents of your heart and soul
All of them lift me up during a tough day
Fill my heart with love and joy for you
Growing word after word, moment after moment

Silly Heart

Silly hearts can make the world go round
Singing loudly and badly in the car
Living room dancing during a movie
Or just siting around making faces and jokes
Nothing would be better than your laugh
Musical, ecstatic, as it pours forth from you
Smiling up to your eyes in that way
That I adore when I see it come out
Knowing your silly heart beats with mine

This Moment

No small measure of time to come
Nor miniscule portion of times past
Could eclipse this exact moment
There may be another to come
But right now we are in this one
One that will never return to us
So I will promise and swear to you
This will be treasured and cherished
Hope will reside within me for more
But that desire will never overtake
This exact moment

Magical Elixir

Diaphanous fabric caressing your skin
Graceful, lithe movements accentuating
The flow of the dress, lovely and becoming
Resting my hand on your hip as you sway
Heat of your skin a fire scorching me
Through the the thin gossamer like linen
Resistance breaking down as if you're some
Magical elixir destroying what will I can muster
Moving closer, bodies in sync to the rhythm
Piercing eyes, hooded as you look into mine
Parted red lips whispering to me, husky
Gazing back at you, lost in all we are

A Part of Your Day

The small peeks and glimpses I'm afforded
Into those brief mundane moments of your day
Are what I cherish,  letting me in to the routine
Those normal times that few if any get to see
Are almost like a view into your heart for me
That you wish me to be a part of your day

Thunder

I feel an affinity with the thunder
Its uneven tempo drumming
Across the sky and vibrating
All in its unsympathetic path
So does my heart pound, boom
Faster and louder as you near
Deep bass of its sonic nature
Causing butterflies to flitter
Their susurrous wings inside
Anticiption of what's to come
Thundering, blasting, destroying
All the willpower I have left

Lightning

Once I fell hard, for you, deeply
No conscious choice was made
Like a bolt of lightning striking
Electrifying my very senses
And I thought I'd fallen as far
As was inexplicably, humanly
Possible but I have since seen
I could be no more wrong
Every day, every moment
I slip a little further, deeper
No turning back

Time to Think

Sitting on the end of my worn couch
Hot coffee in hand, aroma wafting
Time to think, reflect, and hope
Think of what has been and will be
Reflect on my feelings, desires
Hope that its understood
That nothing has changed
I still remain yours until
Such time as you decide
That I am not what is best
It may only ever be this, no more
And I may always quietly wish
For it to become what it can't
But I will cherish and enjoy
Each moment and time spent
No promises, no expectations

It took strength and courage to be told what I was told tonight. Instead of being hurt I realized how hard that must have been and now feel even closer. This situation is not one that was asked for but has grown into this scary, wonderful thing. I don't want it to stop. It may only ever be what it is right now but that's OK. I'm simply thankful to have found it. Please know, my heart is yours.

Out of Time

Often I feel myself caught out of time
As if a leaf trapped in the swirling eddy
Of a stream as it flows, its rock strewn banks
Silent observers of my arduous journey
Dipping and turning as I circle and move
Each new whirlpool that catches me out
A new glorious experience to share with you
Passion and wonder present in all I do
Passion...Abundant, unchecked, coursing
Cornerstone of many days to come
 

Clarity

Realizing today with stark clarity
That what I have found with you
And thought I had lost until now
Was something that I've never had
Didn't even know I was missing
Regardless of the duration, long or short
My world has been transformed with
The possibility of all this waking life
Can be and all the joy contained
Finding the ability to once again
See the good in myself and others
Is a feeling that I will never forget

Your Eyes

Today, they're steely blue
Like a storm darkening sky
Harkening forth a tempest
Cyclonic reaction inside me
As I look into them, transfixed
Tomorrow, the green could rise
Flecked with gold, the desire
To swim into them, lost forever
Is overwhelming, intoxicating
Day after, icy and mesmerizing
Spheres of arctic water frozen
Into perfectly cool inviting orbs
Each permutation incredible
Each change projecting you

My Beacon

To this place we've arrived
Unheralded, unhurried
Yet arrived we have
A place of togetherness
Though we be far apart
The lonely miles mean nothing
Through even the darkest night
Your radiance shines outward
An exceedingly bright beacon
Guiding me through stormy seas

Holding You

Moments such as these that I wish
To wrap you in my arms and pull
You close in to my warm chest
Letting you feel and know that
You have people there for you
To talk to, to help you, to love you
Supporting you and keeping you safe
As best as can be done

I Write

I write to stir your soul
I write to rouse your heart
I write to raise your temperature
I write to explain to you
I write to make you smile
I write for you to feel
I write to shout out
To all who will read
What lies inside of
My full heart

Defiance of Explanation

Some coincidences defy explanation
Seemingly trivial and insignificant events
Set on an unlikely collision course
Serendipitous and blissful the result

Forget the Words

Forget the words
All that I have written
As if a broom
Sweeping the fall leaves
Into some oblivion
The words can't begin
To reveal what is contained
Inside my heart and soul
Unable to do justice
To the feelings that escape
As they look for release

Drawn

How
Is it possible
That I find myself
Drawn even closer
Feeling even deeper
To you
Each day passing
No evanescent moment
But lingering
Growing
Completing
All that I am

You

You
You are beautiful
Inside and out
Simply
Incredibly
Ferociously
Heart meltingly
Beautiful

Trouble

Outside the sky is darkening
To the color of blued steel
With the coming of days end
The air warm but with a cool edge
Type of night that makes me edgy
Wanting to cause trouble, have fun
Be my partner in crime this evening
Let the excitement we feel for each other
Carry us away, laughter and danger
To be our compatriots, our confidants
Come away with me tonight
Let's cause some trouble

That Person

That person in your life who cares
About your day, how you are
Whats happening and your needs
Is truly incredible to have
Missing for so long but found now
Only way to thank is to do the same
Show them how much you truly care
Make sure its not missing in their life

Wholeheartedly

Knowing your heart
Its wants and desires
Its hopes and dreams
Its foibles and fears
Is a wondrous thing
Being allowed in
To your world
Is one of the greatest
Gifts you can give
And you gave it to me
Unfettered and unedited
Wholeheartedly I accepted
And I hold it safe

Fuel

Those specific moments occurring
That continue to fuel my fire for you
Making it burn white hot, scorching
Multiply exponentially each day
Gasoline gushing from a leaky tank
Exploding, burning, consuming
With a passion unrivaled before

Small Measure

I want many things
Some for myself
Some for others
But what I want
Most at this moment
Is to see your happiness
Displayed on your face
To be a small measure
Of why you're smiling
To effect your life in
The tiniest way
For the better

Lost

You've got your hair up today
Highlights catching the sun
Simple yet utterly beautiful
Alabaster neck encircled by
A necklace of ivory flowers
Eyes ensnaring me to look
Deeply into their blueness
Today looking like the ocean
You're yearning for, fathoms
To sink into and be lost
Gloriously lost in you

Clamoring

Clamoring to new heights and feelings
Like a drowning man fighting for air
Each time I hear your voice, see your smile
Every benign discussion or deep conversation
Whether spoken or typed brings about
A heightening,  a growing, a confidence
In what we have and what we give to each
A completion of those things missing

I Don't Know

I don't know what to say
But it needs to be said
I don't know what to do
But it needs to be done
I don't know what to write
But it needs to be written
I don't know what to think
But the thoughts come pouring
A constant stream rushing
Of a never ending waterfall
The inspiration only increasing

Bright and Vivid

Bright and vivid shine the colors of your soul
A multi hued field of wildflowers growing
Look dull and faded in their comparison
Their fragrance near lifeless next to you
When you smile your full unreserved smile
The radiance of all the suns in all the galaxies
Pales and they wish they could be so lovely
This is you, all eclipsed by your mind and heart

Waiting

The waiting seems interminable
Mere weeks away but at moments
Could be a thousand lifetimes
Enjoying precious minutes until
I can first see the nonpixelated you
Slightly anxious that the real me
Will not live up to your expectations
Yet confident in how we feel and
That the precise moment when
We lay eyes on each other
All will be perfect

Dockside

Sitting together on the lakeside dock
Wood gently warmed by the days heat
As our feet dangle in the cool water
Setting sun creating fire in the sky
Red, oranges, yellows set ablaze
Your hair gently blowing in the breeze
Hip to hip, that simple touch bringing
Us ever closer as we talk endlessly
No plans, no agenda, simply being

Past events have taught that when I start to write for a person or event that inspires me, it lasts for a few days or weeks and then tapers to nothing. However, in defiance of that past logic I have been writing now for 6 or 7 months. The oddest part is this, instead of tapering off I seem to be writing more and more. There is no end in sight at this point. I am not wanting to write but I need to write. It overwhelms me at times as words run through my head. Best part is the inspiration that makes it enjoyable.

Dancing

Free spirit dancing, laughing
Auburn tresses framing
A smile so bright that every
One in the room must stop
And stare, sharp intakes of breath
As she floats by, ecstatic, carefree

Indescribable

Days like today that I realize
How strong my feelings are
Indescribable and magnificent
When I see your true smile
One that may be only for me
And I hear your voice and I know
That your day is nearly perfect
My heart soars for having you
In my life and in my heart

Touches

Fingers touching fingers
Deft touches as the newness
Of a first encounter fades
And the comfort we've known
In words and voice
Begins to overtake

Orbit

What circumstances brought our spheres
Into such near orbit, hearts and souls
Close proximity despite distance and time
Even the simplest of conversations causing
A lessening of being so far apart and keeps
Smiles growing, widening, staying always
Anticipation of days to come, unbearable
Frustrating comfort of our lives and love

Choice

Sitting alone, darkened room tomblike around me
Like a cool cave cut into the rough mountain stone
Letting go of the day, reflecting on moments, memories
Positive and negative always struggling to overtake each
The age old struggle of the light and dark within us all
A choice is often made to go in one direction or t'other
I choose the good, to let the bad leave and be no more
To make those positive moments last and multiply
Creating them from all of life's minutes and hours and days
New found attitude of inspiration and creation driving me
The choice made

Perfection

Drunk on fine wine and finer conversation
Wide smile permanently affixed as I sit across
From you and hold the gaze, transfixed by
Those sparkling ethereal blue-green eyes
Cascading auburn hair, fragrant and begging
For me to reach out and run my fingers through
Yearning to hold your hand in mine, soft and warm
Feeling the sand under our feet, cool and wet
From the receding tide as the moon and stars
Light our way, in this moment, pure perfection

Heightened anticipation nearly torturous
Like a child on the night before Christmas

Learning

From the physical distance, a wide gulf separating
You've managed to see inside me, my heart, my thoughts
Those mocking miles closed by our conversations and souls
Learning each day about you and you learning of me
Pushing me, inspiring me to transform, become not only
A better man but a better human, living life as it should be
Your resounding compassion and strength, intelligence and beauty
Remarkable, see yourself as I do, not perfect but incredible

Change

Being faced with having to give up something you love is both difficult and heartbreaking. Be it a sport like running or hockey, or an object of sentimental value, or even a favorite food, it's never easy. Watching someone handle that with grace and even embrace it is a wonderful thing. The attitude to not only move on but dig into the new is simply incredible. Once again I'm inspired.

Fluid

Long limbs moving with the graceful fluidity
Of a stream gently rolling over polished stone
She pads softly around the dimly lit room
Yet coiled with an easy, sensual athleticism
Seeming almost panther like, languid, beautiful
Freckled skin lovely and fragrant under my fingers
Pulling her to me, warmth and touch, electric
Lips colliding with sparks, each time even better
Tasting, feeling, all senses heightened, involved

Muse

Every day I wake up expecting
To have no more words to say
Nothing more to write or create
But then without you realizing
Or trying to be my artistical muse
More come in a rush, a torrent
Of language and thought and images

Brilliance

Your smile today has filled my heart
The joy overflowing like a bucket
Held under a faucet for too long
Its brilliance out shining even
The radiant sun burning bright
In my cerulean blue cloudless sky
Seeing you the sun is more jealous
Than even Shakespear's envious moon
Sick and green, was of fair Juliet
My words unable to do justice

Dreams

Dreams remembered and dreams forgotten
Extensions of what has been awoken
What has been brought back to me
Vivid, real, and wistfully hoped for
Seeing each day as if the first time
Storing each in the room you built

Thoughts On My life

This started as a NEED to write something until I realized I'd already written the poem that says what I wanted to say and I could do no better(Heartfelt). So instead I'll share a few thoughts. The last 7 months or so have been many things, a whirlwind, blissful, rocky, transforming, many things. Through it all I've learned, been inspired, been motivated, and most importantly, realized that I'm worth something and that someone out there values what I have to offer. My smile which had faded has returned, my attitude improved, and love has returned to me, love of life, love for my family, and love for the world in general. I feel at a loss to genuinely express how much all this means to me and the value I place on having positivity back in my life. Its a change that I'll work hard to keep permanent so as to honor how I've come to this place. Every day new, every day a gift. Thank you, sincerely.

Whatever Force

Whatever forces brought us
To such close proximity
Of heart, mind, and soul
Whatever power entwined
And enriched our lives
A little more smiles in each
Whatever design keeps us
From drifting apart
As we continue to be
For all of that I rejoice
And each day, a gift

Flourish

Even on these days
Seemingly interminable
When life conspires
Not allowing us to
Catch upon on your day
Be lifted by your words
And brightened by your smile
All remains well and good
Carried through by memories
Fed by the knowledge of
Your hearts feelings
And that we flourish

Rare Glimpse

Catching that rare glimpse
Leaves me breathless
Each expression you own
Remarkable, captivating
Longing for the next

Beauty

The requisite words cannot do justice
To the beauty beholden to you
New must be created to extol
What I can see and feel inside you
The physical loveliness you possess
Is outshone by what is internal
It pours outward with your words
Your actions and your spirit
Those of us residing in your circle
Know and revel in the joy
Of knowing you

Safe

Do anything in my power
To keep you from harm
To see you keep that smile
Radiant and beaming bright
Knowing that you're there
For a friend in need, helping
Guiding through the anxiety
That you feel the worry in
Yourself, the doubt, but
Yet you help, your true
Nature shining outward
Even more do I want
To keep you safe

Smile

Whenever I sit alone
Mind in a thousand places
And I notice a smile
Spread across my face
That is you

Exposed

As I stand in front of you
Exposed, naked, soul bared
There is no fear present
No anxiety coursing through
My heart is layed out
Like it has never been before
And you accept it and me
For what I am and most
Importantly, what I'm not
Not once past have I done
And said and written and
Allowed in to see these
Fathomless feelings and
Inner workings that make up
What is me, always too afraid
But that's been extinguished
Effortlessly by your loving heart

Things You've Taught Me

Keep your feet moving
Forward, onward,
Don't let the roadblocks
Stop you from your
Destination and goal
Smile, be positive
Then head down
And run, run
Push through and
In the end, no matter
The result, success

Aflame

Still aflame
Unquenched
Match head
Burning bright
Hot, red flame
Insatiable

Ignited

Ignited by you, I burn
At times the slow smolder
Of a dying fall campfire
Yearning to be awakened
At others a raging inferno
Blazing out of control
Scorching, searing, flames
Burning all in its path
But no matter the tempo
Always there, never dormant
A perpetual torrent of flame
Setting the world alight

Wonder

Life is truly only ever unexpected
Never ending on the road where
You started but miles and miles
From the end you imagined
Finding the hidden mysteries
That wait along each twisty path
Is where the true joy lies
Experiencing each one in turn
Relishing each new moment
Always looking to the next
And letting wonder guide you

Vivid

Vividly I can recall, no effort
Blue green eyes sparkling
Like a foaming sea, changing
Bright smile lighting up
Everything in its sphere
Voice, harmonious, beautiful
Like a song you want on repeat
Inner beauty radiating out
Imperfections highlighting
All that I love about you
Memories recalled with
Little prompting, always
Fresh in my mind

Spring

Spring blooms emerging from winters grasp
Green buds popping out on forlorn willows
Under our feet the cool grass softly whispers
Hand in hand we saunter, step after step
No words spoken as none are necessary
Simply enjoying the quiet solitude
As the sun beams down upon us
Recharging and rejuvenating swiftly

Indomitable

Though the day be hard
The road interminable
Your spirit troubled
I stand here beside you
Your friends support you
As you inspire us with
Positive words and deeds
So we strive to payback
To remind you of all
Your greatness, your strength
To reinforce that you're
Never alone and always
Carry with you us and
Your indomitable soul

New Day

Awake to this new day dawning
Blissful dreams of you freshly
Imprinted into my mind
Yesterday washed and gone
Anything possible but
Nothing expected, only the
Sweet anticipation of what
May be ahead in this bright
New day dawning

Stronger

Each day stronger, better
Inspiration flowing through
Motivating me to push on
Past the pain, past the fatigue
Growing healthier in body
More positive in spirit
Changes I once thought purely
Impossible, now seem close
Obtainable, within my grasp
Living each day as you've shown

I Want To Dance With You

I want to dance with you
Heels kicked off to the side
All eyes upon your graceful
Motion as you twirl in a
Sexy dress, entrancing, vivid
I want to dance with you
Slow and sensual as our favorite
Song glides out over us
No dance floor even needed
Anywhere the mood could strike
I want to dance with you
Joyful in a warm summer rain
Laughing, caressing your cheek
As the wet droplets caress you
In sync, no music necessary
Just the music we make ourselves
I want to dance with you

Running

Imagination running wild
A runner racing fast
Legs pumping freely
Quickly, endorphins high
Allowing the words to flow
To burst forth, a broken dam
Easily it comes with you
A constant stream invading
My brain and wanting out

Impact

Simply knowing that the choice was made
To keep me in your life despite what has been
Confirms all I have known about you and us
Reinforces what I know of your incredible nature
Plants hope as a seed that you remain my inspiration
What will be will be, no promises, no pressure
Only the sharing of moments as you continue
To impact my life in a way few ever have

The Path

The path will be found
Though no maps exist
No cartographer helping
We'll let our hearts guide
It will meander and stray
The way not always easy
But together the challenges
Will be overcome, the hardships
Met and defeated until the
The full path has been found

Awe

This feeling of awe you've created in me
Rare, like a moonbow, colors bright
In awe of your strength, fighting to help
Those that can't help themselves
In awe of your compassion, loving spirit
Infusing all you do and inspiring others
In awe of your deeply resonating soul
Positivity brimming forth and always
Finding a way to do what needs done
But mostly, in awe of you, graceful, magical

Radiance

Sunshine returned, radiant and shining
Precious time to come, unbeknownst
What moment may be the last, so each
Is treated like the gift it is, priceless
Taking not for granted, holding dear
Positive thoughts and positive actions
Reigning supreme, ruling my world

Heartfelt

The thanks I give is the most heartfelt I've uttered
It's the thanks of a man transformed by you
The gratitude of a man inspired by your strength
By your positivity, by your compassion, and internal beauty
All were replete in my life until you entered
Brought them back and showed me possibilities
World now made new, seeing with fresh eyes
And nothing I may say or do could ever
Thank you enough or repay what you've done
Regardless of the course of our lives
I will forever owe that debt
Thank you

Light

Today a lightening in the dark has come
Holding hope and faith in my heart
Through the dark moments past
Has come to fruition and now
I'm seeing that all I knew has
Remained, that a change may be
But an end will not

Come Back

I miss you, like nothing I've ever known
Please come back to me soon
Let me begin to repair the damage
Let me remind you what you know
That our love is real and worth saving
The mistake will never be made again
My heart will always show me the way
Your soul and mine belong together
You've made that known to me
Taught me how to love again
Come back to me

I know your heart. Countless times you've told me that. I know that as I'm hurting from what I did and from your pain, that you must be in agony. I know you still love me. I know you still know how I feel. If I could go back in time and fix this I would, I'd listen to my heart. The heart that knows yours and knows your love and knows to trust you.

My Badge of Honor

If the anguish I feel
Helps you to mend
I'll gladly wear it
A badge of honor
My only desire
To see you happy
My love for you
Never waning
And I know that
We are better
In each others lives

Rising

Taking the pain
Knowing its meant
For me to feel
To suffer
Praying that like
The Phoenix we'll
Rise stronger

I'm buoyed by hope, by love, by faith. All the things you've helped restore in me. I haven't been cut out which helps me see that things can be restored. The time you need is yours. I'll write, I'll comment, I'll continue to say what I feel with no expectations other than the hope that we will continue. Our love is strong. I deserve any pain you wish to inflict on me, tenfold. Hurt me and then return to me. It won't be instantaneous that things are back to normal but I know they will. Hearts together on the same wavelength cannot remain apart.

Penance

While I can only imagine
The pain I have caused
While I can only guess
At how your heart hurts
The pain I feel knowing
What I have done is deserved
The penance I must pay
Can never be enough
If it were possible to
Take every last ounce
Of what you've felt today
And heap upon myself
I gladly would to restore
Your happiness and love

Hope

A brief but horrible moment of weakness
A loving heart quickly rendered in two
A man simply trying to mend back to one
A love having survived other pitfalls
A hope that since communication still exists
A confidence in all that we have shared
A difficult road I truly expect to walk
A faith in our love

Despite

I remain faithfully yours
Despite the moment of fear
Despite the gargantuan mistake
My love endures and holds
Steady, unwavering, true
I know that I must redeem
Myself and my actions
And I will because simply
Through all to this point
We love

My Plea

Harm has been done, mistakes made
I know I can't erase them but I can
Fix the damage and heal the wound
All the words I've ever written
All the spoken conversations shared
The feelings entwining us together
Still exist, not been undone, can thrive
Yes, real life takes precedence, always
But no less real are the depths we love
You once said it would hurt to have me gone
I'm going nowhere, I will always feel
Just stay in my life and things will be
How you need them to be

Real

An incomparable vision of loveliness
Real, from deep inside her shining out
Resonating with the frequency of her soul
Her compassion, her strength, and her heart
Hours I could gaze into liquid blue green eyes
Very depths of which know all about me

Sunset

Sun sets

Firing the sky

With the endless

Possibilities of tomorrow

Dark of night

A blanket

To make ready 

For the dawn

Uncharted

Wanderlust takes over emphatically

Crossing that bridge unbeknownst

What may be hidden beyond its end

Dare I go alone or will you explore

With me, this uncharted territory

Hand in hand

Compass

When I start to lose my way
You become my compass
Pointing me true, the map
One you've inspired in me
Road not always simple or
Easy but the challenge and
Reward worth every incline
Every obstacle, every ache
Because the end is you
And what we share

Some Days

Days like these, when I know
And prepare for us not talking
I reflect on past conversations
Knowing without a doubt that
I am on your mind as much
As you are on mine, sneakily
Intruding like a thief coming
To steal my every thought and
The inspiration of your actions
Guiding me throughout the day
Each hour filled with those things
That you would be proud I've done

Sensations

Electrical impulses coursing

Diminutive lightning strikes

As my synapses fire in turn

Heart racing, thumping quickly

A frenetic drummer keeping time

To a song, its rhythm supersonic

Velvety Butterfly wings dancing

Whisperlike as they softly brush

And tumble inside my stomach

These are the sensations I feel

As your words cross my eyes

As your voice plays to my ears

As your smile brightens my day

As your heart helps me feel

Often

There's a place I often go
Submersed ever so deeply
Within my consciousness
Labyrinthine passages and
Unmapped corridors leading
Me fathoms beyond what
Others can see or know
To a room, a room built
By you and every memory
We've constructed together
Holding your smile close
Your words, your heart
So I visit, often

Safe

Trusting, confiding, relating
Have always been difficult
Until you and your lovely heart
Came tumbling into my universe
Eclipsing the sun, the moon, the stars
Now they come easily, pouring forth
Sometimes unbidden, unasked
But with certainty I know that
With you, all is safe

In Times of Trouble

In times your mind is troubled
Or stress and  hardship takeover
I always strive to have the right words
Spoken or written makes no matter
Helpless that I can take no other action
So I say, write, and do what I can
To help you through each moment
To remind you of how wonderful
You are and how inspiring you can be
My muse, my butterfly, my sweet

The Gift

Each day surpasses the next
Bouyed spirit made lighter
Shining smile and sparkling
Eyes dancing through my mind
Hoping the right words come
When you need them most
So that I can return the gift
The gift of making each moment
Of every day, better

Defining

No definition written can adequately explain
No adjective in any language could describe
How my heart longs for yours and beats
Each resounding cadence with the need
Of souls interwoven and true feelings shared
Unwavering, steadfast, and deeply profound
Accepting of what is and happiness discovered

Catch Myself

Always, the last thought as I drift off
Always, the first as I slowly rouse awake
But the best, are those moments sprinkled
Throughout each day, good or bad
When I catch myself smiling for no reason
And realize, something reminded me of you
A song, a word, an image, or just
A memory briefly resurfacing
That's when I know, heart and soul

Shelter (3/29/14)

Sensing
The unknown like storm clouds gathering
Horizon dark and opaque with their menace
Feeling
The pressure dropping, closing in quickly
As the tempest rages closer and closer
Hoping
You are the shelter I seek and that
The damage can be undone

A Dream

Day gently awakens
Sun a helium filled
Balloon slipping quietly
Above the horizon
Floating between
Steel grey clouds
Dreams of you
Fresh in my memory
Lovely smile playing
Across your face as I
Brush a stray strand
Auburn and soft
From your face
Voice alight on my ears
Laughing, whispering
Making known
Your heart

Shared

Amazes how with only words
And brief conversations in voice
I feel, with every beat of my heart
The truth in how you feel, the depth
With unwavering reciprocation
I stand by you, stand with you
Knowing as I take a breath that
Our connection grows in many ways
Though we both struggle inside
We are supported by our shared strength
Made whole by our shared understanding

The Mountain

Inner turmoil raging inside us both
The rapid, rushing torrent of a
Boulder strewn mountain stream
Swollen from the spring snow melt
Feelings deep as that mountainous valley
Inseparable from the reality that is
Yet unable to be denied to either
So we do what the mountain does
Patient, taking what comes and
Enjoying each perfect moment available

Reasons

Simply
Thinking of you
Your smile
Laugh, intelligence
Grace, beauty
Style, heart, soul
Kindness, compassion
Strength and courage
Reasons you deserve my love

Untitled

To brush your cheek
Soft, smooth, with
The tips of my fingers
As only to say goodnight
Sleep well my sweet