The West End

Once a week, every week(Monday to be precise) I drive into my old neighborhood and spend a bit of time. I'm there for a very minor thing but it stirs all kinds of emotions. See, things just aren't like they used to be. I don't mean that in the sense of "I'm older and things change." I mean that in the sense of "My City has been devastated by an opioid epidemic." Driving through and having dinner, I no longer see the places of big wheel riding and tackle football and spotlight tag. Gone are the evoked memories of tossing a ball and war games with friends and first kisses. Things have gotten so bad that all those old feelings have been replaced. Once I cross a certain line my hand brushes ever so easily against the weapon on my hip. I start to pay a bit more attention, becoming alert to my surroundings in a way I am not often like. The choices start to be weighed against safety particularly if my kid is with me. Gas stations become enemy territory. I imagine it's a much less intense and less important version of what a soldier going into a combat zone feels. It doesn't help that I notice the dealers and users shuffling about like overgrown rodents trying to be low profile. I've always had a knack at seeing what most would prefer to turn a blind eye to. It makes me all the more wary and angry at what is happening. I don't know the answers and solutions. I wish I did. I'd love nothing more than to be able to safely walk or drive through my old 'hood and not feel the need to be armed(I still would be of course.) I'm not abandoning her, my town, my neighborhood but I don't know where to start. It often feels as if many have abandoned her. How do we make it better? How do we restore what was once a great place to live? I know not but I do know that we keep fighting.

Silence

I feel like I have lost my voice.
Not my physical voice. It is fine.
No, I've lost the voice that expresses
all those things seemingly impossible,
all the feelings that get weighed down
like sinking concrete.

I've lost the voice that whispers internally
and screams at the top of its lungs to the world.
I have lost my voice.
Maybe I will get it back, maybe not.
It could be gone forever.
Lost in the melange of detritus floating about the universe.
Someone might even find it and use it for their own.
I wish them luck.
It wasn't a very good voice.

Dust (A Revision of Wandering)

My heart was not made for this non life
My head not created to be stagnant
I want to feel, to love, to know
Wandering about without knowing
Yet not lost. Exactly where I'm meant
Blooms of dust curling behind my boots

Stones (A Revision Of Wall)

The wall just appears
Suddenly, dark of night
As if stone masons by stealth
Came into my life and it sprang
Stone by rough hewn stone
Around every part of me
Blocking what confidence remained
Every past doubt and pain
Slamming into it and exploding
Into trillions of pieces and more

Sunset

It's just a sunset
No matter how fire-streaked
And vermilion its beauty
It's just a sunset
No matter how fetching
The counterpoint of muted purples
It's just a sunset
It will end, signalling
An end to the day, a finality
Rising again on the morrow
With the same flourish it left
Process beginning again
Only to slowly drop once more
It's just a sunset
In that setting, that ending
Is there a clean start?
Maybe for some
It's just a sunset

Wall

The wall just appears
Suddenly, dark of night
As if stone masons by stealth
Came into my life and it sprang
Stone by rough hewn stone
Around every part of me
Blocking what confidence remained
Every past doubt and pain
Slamming into it and exploding
Into trillions of pieces and more
Magnifying themselves a thousand fold
If only to break it down
Tearing it apart piece by piece
Maybe soon a return to normal

Wandering

My heart was not made for this non life
My head not created to be stagnant
I want to feel, to love, to know
Wandering about without knowing
Yet not lost. Exactly where I'm meant
Blooms of dust curling behind my boots
As I traverse the dry trail, incline
Straining my muscles as I move on
Or the sloshing of mud and water
Verdant trail around me enclosing
New languages, new food, new culture
Only the pursuit of the adventure
That is what I want to know
No decisions regretted, each made
With the clearest of hearts and minds
Nevertheless, to wander again

Headlights

You can't sleep, restless
So you watch the shadows
From the swiftly passing cars
Headlights, dance on the walls
Like dilapidated shadow puppets
Mind playing over and over
Years of being barely a footnote
Of desperately trying to claw
Your way to some semblance
Of not being alone, of being wanted
But each quick shadow fading
Leaving more darkness
And the abject desire for sleep
Dreamless and blissful

Remnants

Remnants of things past
Drifting through the air
Dust particles, miniscule
But felt, present, and known

Song

Opening strains tell you right away
It's THE song, the one song
That can tear you apart or
Build you back up, or both
Banjo and guitar working together
Then you hear Luke Kelly's voice
Plaintive yet strong as it sings
More than up for the task of the music
And it doesn't take long to see
That this time it will tear you apart
Flooding you with feeling
With every chord and each sonorous note

Orphans

It can't be disproved
Answers and questions
Lying where I buried them
Deep and unassailable
Orphaning the last of
My indefensible feelings
Taking away all hope
Of home or sanctuary
Forever wandering the halls
Decrepit building falling
About them

House of Cards

Just a house of cards
Complex and incredible
But merely waiting
Waiting for one card
One solitary piece
Of the construction
To be removed and then
Crashing down to pieces