Declination

What if
My declination is off
No longer reading true
Needle swinging to and fro
Directionless and erratic
Calibration incorrect
Needing to be reset
Allowed to point North
So I know which direction
I'm heading, leaving, avoiding

To Dream

One day sleep will come again
Not the restless fits and starts
Of every night past and present
But the continuous, dream filled
Rest of a mind at peace once more
Blissful and relaxing and true
No longer lost but at ease and found

Blue and Green

When the sky is this blue
It sings with vibrant color
Oceans hue or the vivid
Feathers of a blue bird
Drawing one out into
It's warmth and the sun
Striking your back hotly
Cooling breeze your savior
Rustling the leaves around
Verdant and whispering
Their low warnings of
An impending storm
This is the calm before

Neighborhood

The porch lights on this street
Welcoming halos of golden light
Beyond lies the inky darkness
Deep, black, and immutable

Sleepless

Those sleepless nights
Darkness enclosing like
A blanket you pull around
To block out the cold
That's when the mind
Goes to work and runs
A hamster on its wheel
That's when everything
All you've done and said
Hangs around and waits
Waits for you to say hi
It only wants one thing
An acknowledgement
To admit to it and also
To admit within yourself
All the right and wrong
Both sides of the coin
Flipped and rolled
Landing where chance
Allows it to rest
Regretting nothing
But without fail wondering
Could I have done
Anything different at all
Changed an outcome
As easily as turning
A lamp on and bringing light

Illumination

Reality and truth eclipsing what has become
Obscuring the path I once trod as illumination
Is swiftly reduced to a nothingness, a greyness
Knowing there is still light within waiting to escape
To be unlocked, to be unleashed again one day

Phrases

Stygian gloom
Is a phrase I like
Useful in situations
Where your Sun
No longer shines
Or the Mist as happens
Has rolled in thick
Like fallen clouds

The Final Bell

Stranglehold on reality occasionally loosens
Gripping tighter to bring it back to me
Clutching and grabbing like a fatigued boxer
Holding on to the last will to fight and win
Bouncing tremulously from the ropes with each punch
Never giving up regardless of the bets against you
Confident that you can take the hits and draw
On your last reserves of strength to overcome
Maybe you won't win but you'll last
Until the final bell

Life is a tenuous thing. Though death finds us all eventually, some are taken from us before we are ready. I've never dealt well with death. Callous when it's someone I don't care about. Withdrawn when it is a person important to me. Last week I lost a person that was as important to me as anyone in my life with the exception of my mother, father, and my kid. I still hurt. The last few years life had kept me away from her even though she was growing older and nearing her time. I never got that cliched last chance to tell her how much she influenced me and that I loved her, Suddenly it's not such a cliche anymore. Class, intelligence, strength...all things I admire now in women, I saw in her even when I was young. I will hold memories of her close. I will grieve. I will grieve alone as to be strong for my family that need me. I will grieve as long as I need. I have cried and will cry some more. I will pass on my memories of her to my child that didn't know her. Mostly, I will honor her by continuing to be what she helped me become. Goodbye and thank you.

Strength

Counted on by them
For that measure of strength
They desperately need
Wanting only to mourn
Yourself but knowing
Without you they would
Falter and wain, fading

Heart

Heart
Heavy
Hurting
Hesitating
Healing
Eventually

On The Road

This car is an abyss
Such close proximity
To people once being
Blood and family and
Now a distance grown
From life's path trod
Thoughts turning to
The coming funeral
To life and love and
All the things missing
Quietly I sit and watch
The verdant landscape
Flash by faster and faster
Mist dissipating yet
Clinging to the tops
Of every mountaintop