That was a surprising email to say the least. Shocking and unexpected. I find happy in every day but also struggle at times. I am glad to be alive always and working to make things better but making the needed changes that I'm heading towards are complicated. I'm becoming better every day and figuring out what I need to do.

Yellow and Black

The butterfly landed on my shoulder
Beautiful
Yellow and black in vivid contrast
The butterfly flew away

I've thought about closing this out, making it all disappear. Though it goes unseen now, I can't bear to do it. It's the only outlet I have left and the one place I can process and deal. To anyone finding themselves here by accident, enjoy. I will add to it, never take away from it, and continue to try to deal with my heart and my feelings as best I can. Inspiration is such a funny thing. Once it's gone, no matter the form, it's difficult to get back. The negative people and aspects of my life no longer overwhelm me but it is a daily struggle to overcome them. I do my best each day. One day I know I'll rise above because failure can't happen.

I'm experiencing a weariness and exhaustion like I've never known before. It goes deep down into my bone, deeper into my brain. I don't at all understand the cause. Trying to power through it and keep smiling. What a week.

Dusks Song

There's a music to the evening
As the sun dips it's weary head
Far below the horizon and it's
Last rays turn the sky into a canvas
A melody of the breeze as it blows
Cooling now into the coming fall
A rythm of the singing crickets
Each chirp keeping the nights time
A strumming of city sounds
The bars and chords calling out
A light show from each firefly
Perfect counterpoint to the song
Feeling more at home in the dusk
Comfortable with the night
Listening to the dusks song

Once (Revised)

To share a sunrise and watch
As it grows from darkness
Into a fiery golden light
Like so much treasure
Brilliant and illuminating
And then to a cerulean sky
To share a sunset and see
How that same bright hue
Begins to deepen and change
Into the auburn tone I love
With streaks of purple reminiscent
Of heather and violet and iris
To share the day in between
Walking amongst the fields
Wildflowers fragrant as
We brush against them
Their vivid color blooming
Brightening all they touch
I had hoped once, to share
This and more with you
And I realize now it will
Likely never be more than hope

Paintings On A Wall

Sanctuary behind your eyes
Home hidden within your voice
No longer seen
No longer heard
Paintings spotlit on the wall
Music soft in the background
Dim light hiding
Only a whisper

Simpler

To make things simpler
Only complicates them
All the more

Drink

With each swallow
Numbness spreads
Through my body
Through my mind
Slaking my thirst
Relieving the pain
Separating me
From the throbbing
Of my shoulder
The anguish etched
Within my emotion

Gone

Home...can it even exist
A fleeting thing
Amorphous and gone

Forged in Fire

It will take all the world
To forge a brand  new reality
Fire and iron and strength
Each clanging of the hammer
Throwing sparks and shaping
What could one day become
The new me or be melted
Down to nothingness
Heat and cold creating
And through the breaking
And tearing down of me
One day arising anew

Wounds

Some wounds never heal
Sharply reminded each day
They may become lessened
Or dulled by the advancement
Of slow time and days passing
But the agony is there to feel
Movement or lack of bringing
Physical pain, shoulder telling me
To stop or let it become whole
Not all though are corporeal
Some can't be seen but nonetheless
Some wounds never heal

Waves Upon Waves

Ebb and Flow

Tide ebbs and flows relentlessly
Crashing of the waves signifying
The in and out, the good and bad
Flotsam washing up looking
For a place to land, to belong
Knowing as my life ebbs and flows
The highs and lows will continue
But relentlessly moving, being me
That will never cease, as the tide.

Reinvention

Salt airs tang hanging on my lips
As the wind rushes over the waves
Crashing and careening in rythm
Sand warm underneath me as it
Holds the suns rays from the day
Bringing a counterpoint to the chill air
Staring at the horizon, I long
Long to voyage out and explore
Long for you and what will never be
Long to reinvent myself somewhere
To be only what is to come and not
All that has transpired before